Disillusioned
by PurpleCardi
Summary: Nearly two years after their wedding day and just hours after their separation, Jane reflects on her life with Maura and how it all went wrong.
1. Chapter 1

It was a beautiful summer day in Boston, so beautiful that the neighborhood children put down their video games and other electronic devices so they could play outside. For once, the air wasn't thick with humidity and their wasn't even a hint of rain on the way. At nearby cafes, couples were sitting outside with their iced coffees or teas and engaging in the inane conversations that only couples, particularly young couples, engage in. Parents were reunited with their children who had come home from college for the summer and were hanging on to every word they spoke about dorm life and surviving final exams with so much love and pride in their eyes. Guys were sailing with friends along the Charles River and girls were sunbathing near the water, hoping to catch the eyes of the young men in sailboats. Tourists were flocking in from all over the country to visit different historical sites and take tours of Harvard. At Fenway Park, the Red Sox were playing and people at the stadium and the surrounding sports bars were all clad in blue and red in support of the home team. It was a beautiful summer day in Boston and _life _was what was happening all over the city, but neither the season nor its beauty had any effect on Jane Rizzoli.

The curtains were closed to block out any natural light from entering the house and all of the lights were off except for a dimly lit corner of the living room illuminated only by a lamp. Jane laid on the couch and closed her eyes to prevent herself from looking around the living room any longer. As she tried to block out that day's events, Jo Friday hopped on the couch and she was grateful for some type of companionship although she knew Jo Friday wouldn't understand what Jane was going through, but when she started to whimper Jane wondered if that sound meant she really did understand. Jo Friday missed Maura and she definitely missed Bass. The little terrier often entertained herself by playfully barking at Bass and chasing the tortoise although she would give up when she became impatient with how slow Bass moved. Whenever that happened, she would find Jane and Maura who were usually cuddled up on the couch whenever they were home together and she would jump on one of their laps so she could be petted. This was the life Jo Friday knew and the life she loved; she and Bass were siblings and Jane and Maura were her parents, and the little terrier, like Jane, wished everything could go back to the way life used to be when Maura and Bass lived with them and the four of them were a loving (albeit unusual) little family.

Jane held her dog close to her and continued to close her eyes so as not to take in her surroundings. As irrational as it seemed, she tried to tell herself that if she closed her eyes, none of this could be real. Jane wanted to work, but she knew going to work also came with the risk of running into Maura and, as tough and focused as Jane could be, she was nowhere near emotionally ready to see Maura or accept the fact that Maura was no longer hers.

After waking up from an unexpected nap, the day's events had slipped Jane's mind and she glanced at her surroundings, immediately focusing on a photo of the two of them on their wedding day. It wasn't the dream wedding that either of them had planned and it wasn't even a wedding per se, but it was the day the two of them made a legal commitment to each other at a courthouse followed by dinner at an Italian restaurant in the North End with the Rizzoli family. The restaurant wasn't what Maura was used to, but it was a place the Rizzoli family had frequented for years and Maura couldn't help envisioning her wife as a little girl sitting at the very table they were currently sitting at.

Nearly two years had passed since that day, but so much had happened that it felt like a lifetime ago. Jane tried to hold back her tears as she remembered the interrogation she received that day from her mom. Jane and Maura had been married less than five hours and she was already asking them about grandchildren. They had Bass and Jo Friday, but a dog and a tortoise weren't exactly what Angela had in mind when she said she wanted grandchildren.

Jane grabbed her phone to check what time it was, but she immediately regretted it when she saw a picture of Maura as her wallpaper. It wasn't a seductive photo of her or even an attractive one by most people's standards, but the silly expression on Maura's face was something Jane felt extremely fortunate to be able to capture on camera. The picture was taken at Fenway Park and the expression on Maura's face was her reaction to being forced to wear an oversized Red Sox jersey and a cap. She knew her wife would prefer a more flattering garment if she was forced to wear Red Sox gear, but the fact that Maura was willing to step out of her comfort zone just so she could support her wife's team made Jane want to kiss her right then and there in front of everybody.

It was now seven in the evening and Jane wanted to order takeout, so she opted to order online instead of using her phone. It may have been overly dramatic, but she couldn't bring herself to look at her phone long enough to change the wallpaper. _I'll buy a new phone_, Jane told herself, but she knew buying a phone wasn't going to solve anything. She was sitting in a dimly lit living room in the house she owned with Maura and, even if she removed all of the photos she had of the two of them, the memories would always be there. As if on cue, Jane's eyes fixated on a diamond ring carelessly placed on the coffee table. It was Maura's wedding ring and seeing it served as the ultimate reminder of Maura's absence. Jane grabbed the ring and angrily threw it across the room. She wanted to scream Maura's name. She wanted to beg her to come back, but she knew it was no use. It was her fault that Maura had left her and, after what Jane had done, she knew it wouldn't be long before they were signing their divorce papers.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry if this is a tad bit (okay, extremely) angsty, but it's something I've had in my head for awhile now. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Once she was finished with her dinner, Jane put the Styrofoam box on top of the coffee table and stared up at the ceiling. She debated going to bed—their _marital_ bed—but it held too many memories for her. Just twenty-four hours ago, they made love to each other in that bed and, if Jane had known it was going to be the last time she made love to Maura, she would have cherished the moment instead of taking Maura's affections for granted. She would have prolonged each kiss and taken in everything that was so uniquely Maura.

It was now two in the morning and Jane realized hours had passed since she started staring up at the ceiling, hours in which all she thought about was Maura. The living room couch was going to be her bed that night and, although it wasn't the first time she'd fall asleep on the couch, it would be the first time she'd fall asleep without Maura waking her up and telling her to go to bed. Although Jane was annoyed at first, she still found the way Maura woke her up to be so endearing. Maura would gently place kisses along Jane's neck and jaw line until her wife would wake up smiling and pull her onto the couch with her. Those delicate kisses would turn into Jane holding her wife close to her and whispering into her ear how much she loved her and how grateful she was for getting the opportunity to spend the rest of her life with her. Those statements, no matter how cliché, always touched Maura and she'd be so full of need for her wife that she'd want Jane to take her right then and there.

Every beautiful memory she had made with Maura began playing in her mind regardless of how many times she tried to close her eyes or how much she wished everything would stop. By three in the morning, Jane decided to face reality. What she had done was unforgivable and she had lost the love of her life because of it. Six a.m. would mark twenty-four hours since Jane's world turned upside down. The end of life as they knew it was brought on by an e-mail Maura received from an unfamiliar e-mail address. As she did every morning while Jane was still asleep, Maura checked her e-mail. At first, she thought the e-mail was spam, but instead of marking it as such, she accidentally opened it. The first image she saw was her wife kissing another woman. She wanted to believe it was a picture taken before they were married or before they were even dating, but Jane was wearing a shirt she had gotten her for her birthday and her ponytail was the same length she currently had it. There were other images after, but with that first image Maura had seen enough to know her wife had broken their marriage vows. She thought about replying to the e-mail, but instead she gently shut her laptop and returned to their bed. She debated waking Jane, but she wanted to let herself assess this situation so she could approach Jane with a sound mind. Much to Maura's disappointment, Jane woke up half an hour later and she still hadn't thought of a way to properly approach the subject.

It was almost like a reflex for Jane to hold her wife whenever she cried and this time was no different. She didn't know why Maura was crying, but before she could ask, she scooted herself closer to Maura and wrapped her arms around her. Jane was taken aback when her wife pushed her away and hurriedly stepped out of bed.

"What's wrong?" Jane asked, still half asleep.

"You kissed another woman," Maura said matter-of-factly.

"Maura, I would never do that to you," Jane insisted, although she knew she had been caught. Maura was rational and there were never any false accusations or jealousy from her, so why she chose to deny it was beyond her.

"Who is this?" Maura asked as she pulled up the e-mail on her phone. Jane briefly looked at the photo and set Maura's phone on their bed. She knew she should say something, but at that moment there was no way of explaining herself. She had cheated on her wife and there was photographic evidence. Jane was silent for a few seconds, which seemed like an eternity for the two of them.

"Who is she?" Maura asked in a raised voice. She would have sounded angry if not for the crack in her voice at the end of her question. Jane knew her wife wanted to yell at her, but she couldn't stop crying.

"She's—" Jane began to say, but Maura wouldn't let her finish. The intelligent, headstrong Maura Isles Rizzoli had gone from facing her wife to crying into her pillow. She knew there was no way to console her, but Jane still had the urge to hold Maura. With her arms wrapped around Maura, the two of them looked into each other's eyes, both with different thoughts in their head; Maura wondering how her wife could betray her and Jane wondering how Maura could still look so beautiful while crying. She knew it was the most imperfect timing, but she couldn't control the urge she had to kiss Maura. Their lips met for a second before Maura pulled back and got out of bed yet again.

"How could you do this to me?" she asked hysterically, not quite knowing what to do with herself.

"I was drunk," Jane admitted, although she knew it was a sorry excuse for cheating on her wife—if there was even a _good _excuse for cheating.

"And that's supposed to justify what you did?" Maura asked. She had ceased crying and Jane's excuse had made her infuriated.

"It can't be justified," Jane told her. "Maura, I'm sorry."

"You lied to me," Maura pointed out. "You dishonored our vows and you lied to me. You looked me in the eyes and denied being with another woman, Jane."

"I'm sorry," Jane repeated, her head hanging low.

"Did you _fuck_ her?" Maura asked, surprising Jane with the vulgar word that she only used in the throes of passion.

"Yes," Jane whispered.

"I didn't hear you," Maura said angrily, although she heard Jane perfectly. She wanted her wife to admit to what she had done.

"I fucked her," Jane shouted. "Do you want me to say it again, Maura? I'm not proud of what I did."

The next hour was a whirlwind for Jane as she watched Maura pack a suitcase and some things for Bass. She petted Jo Friday on the head one last time, put her wedding ring on the table, and drove off without telling Jane where she was going or when she'd be back.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your comments and input. I really appreciate it. Now, it's time for a Maura-focused chapter. :)**

Less than two hours after her life had been turned upside down, Maura checked into the Marriot near MIT and Kendall Square. Her intentions were to stay in a more high-end hotel near Copley, but she was too emotionally exhausted to make the drive over there and, as much as she didn't want to admit it, she still wanted to stay close to Jane. Jane had suggested moving into Maura's house during their engagement, but not wanting Jane to feel as if she were moving into her place, Maura insisted on selling her house and buying a house together so it could feel like _their _house instead. In retrospect, she knew it wasn't the smartest idea, but cheating was something Maura could never even fathom. When she married Jane, she was certain she was marrying the woman she'd spend the rest of her life with. With that thought running through her head, Maura pulled into the parking lot of the Marriot and checked in. The front desk attendant objected to Bass staying in the room, but once he saw how shaky and distraught Maura was, he had a change of heart. Maura knew the room would suffice for the night, but she wasn't certain what her long term plans would be. The house was in both of their names, so she had just as much of a right to stay there as Jane did, but what would their living arrangements be? Their house was quaint, but much smaller than the house Maura used to own. There were only two bedrooms; one that belonged to them and one that was currently used as a guestroom although they had hoped to convert it to a nursery someday. Neither woman felt as if it was realistic for them to have a child because of their demanding careers, but they had so much love for each other and they wanted to share that love with their future Baby Rizzoli.

Baby Rizzoli. Just the thought of him or her made Maura cry all over again. The more she cried, the more intently Bass stared at her and, for a brief moment, she wished he could speak. She needed a companion, but the only person she ever confided in was Jane. As much as she loved the Rizzoli family, she didn't think it was appropriate to discuss Jane's infidelity with her mother-in-law or even Frankie and Tommy. She knew they wouldn't side with Jane or think Jane's reasons for cheating were justified, but she still felt as if Jane should have the right to be consoled by her family. For the first time in years, Maura had nobody. Her wife was her best friend, her confidante, and the one person who could make Maura smile regardless of how hard she tried not to.

It was a beautiful day outside, but all Maura wanted to do was shut out the world. The curtains were closed, allowing for no natural light to enter the room. She had lamplight, but even that was too much for her. She left it on long enough to feed Bass and sift through her unorganized suitcase. Whenever the two of them would go on vacation, Maura packed their suitcases impeccably, regardless of how many times Jane insisted it was easier to find everything if it was somewhat disorganized. The wrinkled, balled up clothing and pajamas completely went against her nature, but that morning her main concern was getting out of their house as quickly as she could. Maura picked an old t-shirt out of her suitcase and quickly stuffed it back in when she realized it was Jane's. Even in her heartbroken state, she had still packed one of Jane's shirts to wear to bed. With nothing else suitable to sleep in, Maura stripped each article of clothing from her body and carefully laid them over a chair, leaving herself clad in nothing but her underwear. The sheets felt cold against her bare skin and she longed for the warmth of her—_their_—bed. The coldness made it difficult for Maura to fall asleep, so she became lost in her thoughts, no matter how much she wanted to focus on something else. She wished she would have brought a book or her laptop. _No,_ _not the laptop_, Maura thought. Opening her laptop is how she found out about her wife.

Jane Rizzoli was actually _capable _of cheating. The thought had always seemed so absurd to Maura. Her wife was a good woman, a _great _woman, with character and morals. _How could she have cheated? _With that question in mind, Maura started wondering _exactly _how Jane cheated. It was all a guessing game and, although she hated guessing games, she just couldn't get her mind off of the logistics of Jane's affair or if it could even be called an affair. She was given a quick glimpse of the woman. She was younger, maybe late 20s or early 30s, Maura concluded as she recalled details of the photo. The more she recalled this woman's features, the more vivid her imagination became until it was too much to bear. Whoever this woman was had been intimate with her wife. _Did she know Jane was married? Why would she have sex with a married woman?_ _Was it because Jane was forbidden? _Question after question flooded Maura's head. Although it was easier for Maura to focus her anger on the other woman, she knew it was Jane she should be angry with. _Jane _was the one who was married and _Jane _could have said no. Maura needed answers and she was intent on getting them as soon as she was ready to face Jane.

When night approached, she laid there wondering exactly where Jane and this woman had sex. The possibility of it being in their bed made Maura cry herself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"_We need to talk. I will be at the house in an hour." _That was the text message that woke Jane up from her much-needed deep sleep. She read the text message repeatedly for half an hour before putting her phone down. Maura had called it 'the house' instead of 'home,' which is what Jane focused on. _This is her—our—home and she deserves to be here. _She wondered where Maura had slept. She knew she wasn't in the arms of another woman; that wasn't Maura—none of this was Maura. None of this was Jane either. Jane Rizzoli loved everything about her wife, so why did she do what she did? That was the question she had asked herself repeatedly and still didn't have an answer.

For the first time since Maura left, Jane decided to go outside. What she did couldn't exactly qualify as going outside, but it was a start. She opened the front door, took a few steps to the mailbox, grabbed two days worth of mail that had accumulated and walked back inside. Most of it was junk and Jane wanted to just toss it in the trashcan until a catalog for a baby furnishings store caught her eye. She turned it over and saw that it was addressed to Mrs. Maura Isles Rizzoli. Just reading her wife's name made Jane want to cry again, let alone reading it on a catalog filled with cribs and nursery decorations. _ She wanted a baby just as much as I did. Why didn't she tell me? _Jane sifted through the pages, staring longingly at the décor inside. She imagined how it would look in their house and, more than anything, she wished she could be nine months away from hearing a baby's cries and giggles instead of wondering what was going to happen between her and Maura.

"I love you so much, Maura," Jane whispered. As if on cue, she heard a key in the lock and the sound of the door opening.

"Jane?" Maura called out.

"I'm in the kitchen," Jane responded. That simple exchange made Jane feel as if nothing had changed. Her Maura was home and all she wanted to do was run to her.

Jane took Maura in her arms the moment she saw her. The sight of her wife's tired, puffy eyes made Jane feel even more guilty than before. _She's been crying. Look at this woman. She deserves to be held. She deserves better than me._

"Jane, I can't," Maura said softly. "You betrayed me. You dishonored our vows. You—"

"I'm sorry," Jane said sheepishly. "Maura, you and I need each other. You remember what we said on our wedding night; we're each other's perfect half."

"That was two years ago," Maura said matter-of-factly. "Jane, every time I look at you, I think of her. I don't even know this woman and she has consumed my every thought. What did you like about her, Jane? Was she worth it?"

"No," Jane responded, looking down. "She wasn't worth losing my wife."

"Then why did you have sex with her?"

"We were going through a rough patch," Jane began. "I wanted a baby. You said that wasn't practical. We were going through so much stress at work. Maura, every reason I give you is bullshit because this can't be justified. What I did was wrong and I'm willing to do everything I can to make it up to you."

"How did it happen?" Maura asked, ignoring Jane's last statement.

"Maura—"

"I want to know," Maura interrupted.

"I met her at a bar and she came on to me," Jane said in an irritated tone. "We took a few shots together and then she invited me back to her place."

Maura couldn't believe what she was hearing. "It was that easy? The two of you had a few shots and you were able to cheat on your wife?"

"Maura, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry you were caught," Maura corrected her. "There's a difference, Jane. If you were truly sorry, you would have told me. You wouldn't have gone about your life as if nothing had happened. What hurts the most is not you being unfaithful, it's you thinking you could get away with it. Are you going to see her again?"

"No," Jane insisted.

"Would you have seen her again if you didn't get caught?"

"Maura, she's nothing to me," Jane said as she pulled out a chair and sat down in the kitchen.

"She's nothing to you, but she was worth destroying our marriage?" Maura asked.

"Maura, I promise I'll never hurt you again," Jane said as she held Maura's hands in hers. "Please, come home. I'll do anything. We can get through this, Maura. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and I'm not going to give you up. I'll keep doing whatever it takes."

"Stop begging," Maura demanded. "I'm moving back, but I'll be sleeping in the guest room until I find my own place. We'll be housemates, Jane, and that is the extent of our relationship. We aren't together and I'm not going to kiss your or make love to you or even sleep in the same bed as you. The only reason I'm moving back here is because I can't have Bass in a hotel. It has nothing to do with you."

"Okay," Jane said and let go of Maura's hand. She quickly wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and hoped that Maura didn't notice. Even if she did, Jane didn't imagine her tears phasing Maura. Maura stared at the catalog Jane had placed so carefully on the table. Jane wished she could just throw it away, but neither woman could bring themselves to do so. That catalog served as a relic of their past and the hope they once had for their future.

"I have to get Bass. I'll be back this afternoon," Maura informed her. There were no more words exchanged. Maura simply walked out the door and left Jane alone with her thoughts. Maura was moving back and Jane was absolutely thrilled. Maura said she didn't want to be anything more than housemates, but Jane saw this as a perfect opportunity to prove herself to her wife. Jane was going to choose her words and her actions wisely because everything she did from that moment until the day Maura moved out was going to determine that fate of her marriage.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know their process is moving kind of quickly, but I will soon be explaining the backstory. I promise. :)**

Maura woke up to the sounds of Bass rustling in the kitchen and Jo Friday sloppily drinking from her water dish. They were familiar morning noises for Maura and she couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face, but everything changed when she opened her eyes. The house was hers, the tortoise was hers, but the bed and the bedroom weren't hers. Everything about that room was foreign although it was in the house she lived in for the past two years. The diffuser on the nightstand was a different scent from the one in their bedroom and the combination of her wife's shampoo, sweat, and perfume wasn't the scent on the pillow next to her.

Maura looked in on her wife—rather, her estranged wife—sleeping in their bed. She was peacefully sleeping on top of the covers in sweatpants and an old hooded sweatshirt. She wanted so desperately to cover her with a blanket, but her pride was telling her to leave Jane alone. Jane Rizzoli was a grown woman who could make her own decisions and should be held accountable for her actions. If she chose to sleep without a blanket, that was her decision to make. With that in mind, Maura wondered whether her inner dialog was still about the blanket or if it had switched over to Jane's infidelity.

Hoping Jane would stay asleep, Maura went about her morning routine. She gave Bass and Jo Friday their breakfast, took a shower, and then made some breakfast for herself.

"Where's mine?" Jane asked as she stood behind Maura and slipped her arms around her waist.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Maura said coldly as she moved Jane's hands away.

"It's okay," Jane responded, making her way over to the kitchen table. "I'm sorry I tried holding you. Force of habit."

"I made breakfast for you," Maura informed her. "This doesn't mean I've forgiven you. It's just, as you said, a force of habit."

"I'm not hungry."

"Jane, you need to eat," Maura insisted. She caught herself taking on her 'wifely' role, which only worsened the situation. "It's on the stove if you're hungry."

The two of them finished their breakfast in silence except for the sounds of their pets moving around the kitchen. Maura felt a plethora of emotions when Jo Friday jumped into her lap. The familiarity of their beloved terrier made her smile until she noticed Jane was looking at her with an adoring look in her eyes.

"She missed you," Jane said as she scratched Jo Friday behind her ears.

"I missed her, too," Maura admitted, their dog now moving up to lick Maura's face.

"She's not the only one who is glad you're home."

"I'm not home," Maura said coldly. "We have a temporary arrangement and, right now, I need to leave."

"Where are you going?" Jane asked.

"I have an appointment," Maura responded.

"When will you be back?"

"I'll be here when my appointment is through," Maura said as she handed Jo Friday over to Jane.

What Maura didn't want to tell Jane was that she had made an appointment with a divorce attorney who was also an acquaintance of hers from her undergraduate years. She never imagined being in an office such as this one, especially not because of something that happened between her and Jane, but her world was turned upside down and Maura knew there were steps she'd have to take if she wanted to get her life back on track.

"I want this to end amicably," Maura told Cheryl, her acquaintance.

"Maura, I can honestly say out of every woman who has set foot in my office, you're the first one who has wanted a divorce to end amicably," Cheryl said in a joking manner. "You're not out to take her for all she has?"

"No," Maura insisted. "I love Jane. She was unfaithful to me, but I'm not out for revenge. I just want a dissolution of our marriage."

"You want a dissolution?" Cheryl asked. "Maura, sweetheart, what you want is a divorce. Say it."

"I want a divorce," Maura admitted.

Cheryl slapped her hand down on her desk. "There's the Maura Isles I remember. Do you two have any children?"

"We have a dog and a tortoise," Maura informed her. "The tortoise is mine and the dog is hers, so I doubt there will be any custody battles, but I will give her visitation rights if she wants to see Bass. All I ask in return is—"

"Maura," Cheryl interrupted. "Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you ramble?"

Maura hadn't realized that she was rambling or that she ever rambled at all. Jane usually never let her finish a lengthy statement without interrupting her with a kiss. Maura knew those kisses were Jane's way of telling her to stop talking, but Maura didn't mind a single bit. She loved the way Jane kissed her; she _missed _the way Jane kissed her.

"Nobody ever has," Maura responded, wondering if Cheryl was making a pass at her.

"How about property?" Cheryl asked. She was getting back to business, which made Maura dismiss the notion that she could have been flirting with her. This appointment was completely informal, but the informality and the fact that she was with an acquaintance put Maura at ease.

"We own a house," Maura said matter-of-factly as she thought of the home they had once considered their love nest.

Over the course of two hours, Jane and Maura's divorce papers had been prepared. As she held them in her hands, she couldn't believe any of this was happening. It was now all a matter of who was going to serve Jane the papers and the process would begin.


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed and Jane still had no knowledge of the divorce papers. Maura wasn't having second thoughts and their relationship hadn't improved; it was merely a matter of logistics. She couldn't just hand the papers over to Jane. Jane had to be served and Maura knew of nobody to serve her with the divorce papers. Everyone Maura associated with had ties to Jane, stronger ties than they had to her. Although Maura wasn't at fault for their divorce, she wanted the details to remain private. Asking people to serve Jane would be accompanied by questions that Maura wasn't ready or willing to answer. Yes, Jane cheated on her but she didn't exactly know why and, even if she were to divulge that bit of information, nobody would believe her because Jane Rizzoli wasn't a cheater or a liar in the eyes of everyone they knew.

Hiring someone to serve her with the papers was always an option, but Maura still couldn't bring herself to do so. Her heart was breaking and she was still deeply in love with her wife. A divorce wasn't what Maura wanted, but she felt it was necessary if she were ever going to get on with her life and get past the heartache she was experiencing every day.

Ever since Jane had gone back to work, Maura was noticing something different about her. She was now more dedicated—if that was even possible—and she was much more determined—again, if that was even possible. Maura couldn't help wondering if this was because Jane had something to prove. Her wife was a proud woman—it was one of the reasons she fell in love with her—but, for the first time, she wanted Jane to not have so much pride. She wanted Jane to hurt just as much as she was hurting, especially because her heartache intensified when they worked together. Jane's passion for her job was what first attracted Maura to her and what still attracted Maura to Jane although they were separated. The day before, she saw Jane at her desk looking intently at some files and she had to suppress every urge in her body that was telling her to go over to Jane. _There is no need to talk to her,_ Maura told herself. _You don't have any information for her and you're not bringing her dinner although she probably hasn't eaten._

Outside of work, the two of them hardly spoke to each other. They ate all of their meals separately and avoided spending time together in the living room. The only words they spoke to each other in their house were the obligatory greetings and "good morning," and "good night." Maura spent the majority of her time in her room using her dreaded laptop—or at least that's how she was now referring to it. Every place her broker had shown her just wasn't the right fit, so Maura decided to take matters into her own hands and search for a place herself. It would take longer, but she would rather stay at their house for a while longer than move into a place that didn't suit her needs.

As Maura lied in the guest bed that night, she couldn't stop tossing and turning. Her mind was on Jane's infidelity—her mind was _always _on Jane's infidelity. She wondered what attracted Jane to this woman. This stranger now knew her wife so intimately and, although Maura wasn't Jane's first, Jane had promised she would be her last. Jane had promised Maura would be her one and only for the rest of their lives. Throughout their marriage, sex had never been about getting off; it was always passionate and emotional. It was yet another way they showed their love for each other. Jane always took her time with Maura to the point where Maura felt as if she were worshipping her body. _Was she the same way with this other woman? Was she attentive? Was this woman any good?_ Maura wasn't sure if she wanted to find out.

When Maura turned around, she was surprised to see her wife standing in the doorway. Unlike the nights they spent in bed together, Jane was fully clothed in pajama pants and a long sleeve shirt. Her eyes were puffy and Maura could sense that she had been crying. The always strong Jane Rizzoli was a pathetic sight and, if this were different circumstances, Maura would have wanted nothing more than to hold her.

"I miss you," Jane said softly.

"Oh?" Maura said, not quite sure if that simple word had come out as a question.

"Can I lie down with you?" Jane asked.

It was against her better judgment, but there was something about the way she asked that question. It was as if Jane were pleading with her. "Only for awhile," Maura said and tried not to smile.

When Jane got underneath the covers with Maura, there was no more hiding the tears. She broke down without a single care that Maura was witnessing this.

"Maura, I love you," Jane sobbed. "I didn't mean for this to happen. We're better than this. We can get through anything, remember?"

"Then get through this," Maura said coldly. "I'm not taking you back, Jane."

"Maura Dorothea Isles Rizzoli," Jane said as she touched Maura's cheek. "If I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I'll do it. I will do anything to prove my love for you. You're my wife and my best friend. There is nobody in this world that I love as much as I love you."

"You had me," Maura said angrily. "You had all of me and then you betrayed me. You were intimate with another woman, Jane. Answer something for me?"

"Anything," Jane responded with a look of hopelessness on her face.

"Could she fuck you the way I do?" Maura asked, expressionless.

Jane was taken by surprise. "What?" Her wife's question had caused her to move further away.

"Could she fuck you the way I do?" Maura repeated. "Does she get as wet as I do? I know how much that turns you on."

"Maura!" Jane said in disbelief.

"Was she any good?" Maura asked.

Jane sat up and stared at her wife. _Was she any good? Was she? _Jane honestly had no idea. She could barely remember going to this woman's place, let alone whether or not she was any good. Jane wondered if she was into it or if she just went through the motions. She knew she couldn't have been into it. How could she have been? This woman wasn't Maura. For all she knew, she might have even moaned Maura's name. There were so many things she wanted to tell Maura—so many things she _should _tell Maura—but she didn't know how to make sense of anything that had happened.

"I should go," Jane said almost to herself.

"You should," Maura agreed.

When she knew Jane had returned to their bedroom, Maura allowed herself to cry into her pillow. That simple touch on the cheek from Jane during their conversation was the most affection she had received in days. Jane's touches were still so gentle and loving. Memories of the two of them began to flood her mind. Maura desperately wanted her wife, the wife she had just weeks ago who would never dream of being unfaithful to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your comments. I promise your questions will be answered soon. Jane and Maura still have plenty ahead for them to figure out. Oh, and an extra special thank you to whichever lovely reader nominated me for Best New Author and this story for Best Angst/Drama for the Rizzles Fan Awards. Those nominations really made my day, so thanks again. In fact, I think I'm still on cloud nine and I can't stop smiling. That's how excited I am. :)**

* * *

Maura Isles Rizzoli was pensive. She still had the divorce papers hidden in the drawer of the nightstand in the guest bedroom. Maura knew it wasn't the best hiding spot for the papers, but she was more concerned with close proximity than how well they were hidden. While lying in bed, Maura made a habit of reaching into the nightstand and pulling out the papers. This habit of hers was masochistic, but it made the situation all the more real for her. She was brought to tears each time she looked at them, but whenever she had second thoughts, she looked at the photo of Jane kissing another woman and all of her doubts were set aside. Her wife had been unfaithful and, although she wasn't out to make Jane suffer, she still wanted their marriage to be over. The sooner the papers were served, the sooner she could get on with her life. There would be no dating other women in the immediate future because she wanted time to heal. Her vows were sacred to her and she wasn't quite ready to experience an emotional or even sexual relationship with a woman who wasn't Jane.

When Maura woke up the next morning, the papers were still neatly laid out on the other side of the bed. There were no wrinkles on them and everything was still in place. Throughout her marriage, Maura had become used to sleeping on one side of the bed and that habit still hadn't broken. The papers were on what would—no, what _should_—have been Jane's side. It was yet another reminder for Maura of how alone she was. Jane was still fast asleep, so it wasn't at all difficult for Maura to sneak out, their divorce papers in hand.

When it came down to who was going to serve Jane, Maura now had only one person in mind: Tommy Rizzoli. Even before Maura had become a Rizzoli, she and Tommy were 'close,' to say the least. It was an awkward situation the two of them had been in, but even while Tommy had eyes for her, she still only had eyes for Jane. Jane had been her world from the beginning and Tommy had grown to understand that and see her as a big sister no different than he saw Jane although he (and the rest of the Rizzoli clan) was always nicer to Maura.

They had agreed to meet at a coffee shop near Park Street. The meeting could have been held at a more secluded location, but Maura wanted to be somewhere crowded. Being in a crowded location prevented either of them from having an emotional outburst. Tommy was unaware of their separation let alone the divorce papers and Maura hoped they could be two rational adults without Maura crying or Tommy showing any anger toward his sister.

"Dr. Rizzoli," Tommy said, knowing Maura had loved hearing her married name. The two of them shared a hug and Maura tried her hardest not to cry. He had said her last name, the name she loved and thought she would be keeping for the rest of her life.

"Thank you for meeting me here," Maura said awkwardly as she clutched the envelope that held the papers.

"Where's Jane?" Tommy asked. "You two never do anything without each other."

Maura cleared her throat to prevent herself from crying. "Jane and I are separated."

"Well, she's not here right now, so you're separated," Tommy responded, trying to make light of the situation.

"Tommy," Maura pleaded. "This isn't easy for me."

"Who else knows?" he asked.

"You're the only one who knows," Maura informed him.

"What about Ma? What about Frankie?" Tommy asked. "Ma's world will be torn apart when she hears this. How can the two of you keep this from the family?"

"Jane and I will find an appropriate time to tell everyone," Maura reassured him.

"So, why are you telling me then?" Tommy asked, knowing Maura had a reason for telling him other than he was family.

"I consider you to be a friend as well as my brother-in-law," Maura began.

Tommy saw right through her explanation. "You want me to serve her, don't you?"

"I would appreciate it," Maura said as she averted her eyes.

"You want me to serve her because you couldn't have Ma or Frankie do it," Tommy began. "I'm the one she isn't close to, so you chose me."

There was no more being strong for Maura. The tears she had held back were now pooling in the corners of her eyes. "Your sister cheated on me."

"No," Tommy insisted. "She couldn't have. That's not Jane. Jane's honest and she always does what's right."

"There were pictures," Maura informed him. "Jane is capable of cheating and she cheated. She betrayed my trust and there's no way I can get back to where we used to be."

Tommy looked at Maura in disbelief. "I'm sorry for being an asshole," he said as he touched her hand. "I'll give her the papers, but I know that's not Jane. Jane doesn't cheat. She loves you. You're all she talks about even when me and Frankie tell her to shut up because the game is on. She talks about you during Red Sox games, during Patriots games, during Celtics games, during Bruins games. Jane used to know sports and know stats on her favorite players, now all she knows is you and she imagines you in different jerseys. She even started a sentence with 'Maura did the cutest thing…' and then she went on about something you did. Frankie and I tuned her out, but she still kept talking. Now you're telling me that that woman cheated on you? I can't believe it."

"Tommy," Maura said, completely frustrated.

"Give me the papers," he insisted and Maura was relieved when she relinquished the papers to him. There would be no more obsessing over them.

"Thank you," Maura said and attempted a smile.

"I'll serve her the papers," Tommy began. "But she's my sister and I want to talk to her. I know something isn't right about this and I need Jane's side of the story. You're a smart woman, Maura, the smartest woman I know. Don't you think talking to Jane and getting the whole story is better than rushing into a divorce? You two haven't been separated long. Ma caught you two making out at the barbecue not even three weeks ago and now you're getting divorced? Jane loves you, Maura, and she would never cheat on you. Just talk to her."

Maura had had enough. She knew asking Tommy was a bad idea and their meeting confirmed it. Tommy was a Rizzoli and she knew his loyalty was still to Jane even though Jane had cheated. Jane was his blood and Maura knew it was his right to react the way he did. Maura had nobody and once their divorce was final, Maura had a feeling she would lose the entire Rizzoli family. She imagined Jane having another wife someday and maybe even having children with this woman. This new woman would attend family functions and spend holidays with them while Maura had nobody but Bass to keep her company. The thought was just too much for her. She decided to take a walk in the park until she knew she was emotionally ready to even be under the same roof as Jane.


	8. Chapter 8

Storm clouds were looming over Boston as Jane sat down on their front porch. It had yet to start raining, but Jane knew it was just a matter of time and she wanted to stay outside until the rain began. Both her hair and her clothes were absorbing the humidity, so she grabbed a rubber band to secure her hair in a ponytail and removed the hooded sweatshirt she was wearing. The sweatshirt was already slightly damp from the moisture in the air and Jane was relieved to be rid of it. Although it was summer, their neighborhood was unusually quiet. Instead of running around outside, children were forced to play indoors because of the upcoming storm. Even if it was just a little rainfall, every parent feared the worst when it came to storms. Jane had made a promise to herself that she would never be that type of parent, but as she reflected on the past few weeks, she knew she might not have the chance to be any type of parent.

No longer wanting to reflect on the absence of children outside, Jane decided to quickly glance at Maura who was sitting comfortably in the living room. She had her laptop in front of her and Jane figured she must be shopping for shoes. The expression on her face was akin to the expression she had whenever she shopped for shoes online. She seemed focused and contemplative, yet excited at the same time. Jane wanted to tell her that she'd look good in any pair, but she knew it was no longer her right to say that. They could barely stand to be under the same roof, let alone have a conversation with each other.

In order to avoid any awkward moments, Maura had decided upon designated living room time in which one of them would have the living room without the other's presence. When it wasn't Jane's designated living room time, she would often visit whoever was available to spend time with her or go for a jog along the Charles River—anything to be out of the house. She could have stayed in her—_their_—bedroom, but within those four walls were too many memories. She thought about offering the bedroom to Maura, but she reconsidered when she realized sleeping in that room would probably hurt Maura just as much as it hurt her.

When a bolt of lightning illuminated the sky, Jane took it as her cue to go indoors and face the loneliness of the master bedroom. She entered the house without saying a single word and she expected to remain silent for the rest of the night, but Maura had something else in mind.

"You can sit in here," Maura said, a hopeful expression on her face.

Jane wasted no time with words before making herself comfortable on the opposite end of the couch. "Shoe shopping?" she asked in a joking manner.

"Apartment hunting," Maura began. "I found the perfect place in Beacon Hill and I'm putting my deposit in tomorrow."

"That's great," Jane said, although it was lie. She hated the fact that Maura was leaving their house. "Maura, why don't you stay here? I can stay with Frankie until I find a place. You shouldn't have to leave because of something I did."

"I wish you wouldn't have done what you did," Maura responded, looking at her computer screen instead of Jane.

"Do you remember our first date?" Jane asked. It wasn't her intention to change the subject, but she had recognized a song Maura was listening to and she was instantly taken back to the start of their relationship.

"We didn't have a proper date," Maura said coldly.

"Because there was a storm," Jane began. "It was a storm like this one and we weren't any further than twenty feet away from your front door when you tripped because of those damn heels you always wear. They're sexy on you, but they're not good for walking around in the rain."

"Which you told me as you insisted on carrying me back to my house," Maura added.

"I thought you had twisted your ankle," Jane said defensively.

"There was nothing wrong with my ankle," Maura insisted.

"I know," Jane admitted. "I just liked having my hands on you. Do you remember what happened when we were inside your house?"

"This song was playing," Maura said, not realizing she had started to smile. "When you realized my ankle wasn't hurting, you asked me to slow dance with you."

"And as the song was ending, I kissed you for the first time," Jane added.

"We ended up kissing the entire night," Maura fondly remembered. "There were no intentions of going further. We were just satisfied with kissing for hours."

"I'm _still _satisfied with kissing you," Jane said and smiled at her wife.

"Then why did you do it?" Maura asked as she put her laptop on the coffee table. "Did you wake up that morning with the intention of cheating on me? Who is she, Jane? Did you even know her?"

"She's my ex," Jane admitted.

"Your ex?" Maura asked in total disbelief.

"Yes," Jane said, frustrated. "I was at a bar with Frankie to help him ease his nervousness before a date and, after he left, that's when she approached me. I hadn't seen her in almost ten years, so we were catching up over drinks."

"And the night ended with you fucking her," Maura said matter-of-factly. "You're left-handed, Jane."

"And that's relevant?" Jane asked.

"Your wedding ring is on your left-hand, the hand you use to finger me and…other women," Maura said hesitantly. "Were you fucking her with your wedding ring still on?"

"No," Jane responded.

"You took your wedding ring off, which means you made the conscious decision to cheat on me," Maura told her. "If you were as drunk as you say you were, you would have left it on. Why her, Jane? Did you need closure? Did you remember how great she was in bed, so you decided you wanted more?"

"No one is as good as you," Jane said, knowing she was fighting a losing battle.

"That's not what I asked," Maura said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, she was great in bed," Jane admitted. "But that was ten years ago, Maura. I don't remember the details of the last night I was with her. I remember finding my ring and I remember waking up with her. That's all I remember. I drank too much and made a mistake and now it's costing me everything."

"I was hoping she wasn't your ex," Maura said, trying her hardest not to cry. "I was hoping someone had drugged you as awful as that sounds. I was hoping she was a woman you had never met before, but now I know she's a woman you were in a relationship with."

Jane was willing to do anything for Maura's forgiveness—she'd plead if she had to, but that would have to wait. Her phone vibrated and Maura was waiting for her to answer it.

"It's a text from Tommy," Jane told her. "He wants to meet with me tonight."

"You should meet with him," Maura said as she wiped the single tear that was rolling down her cheek.

"I'd rather talk to you," Jane told her. "We have more important things to clear up."

"No," Maura insisted. "Please meet with Tommy."

Jane wondered why Maura was so insistent upon her meeting with Tommy, but she knew she wouldn't be able to ask questions. With a quick goodbye, Jane was out the door and in her car. She could still see Maura through the window, no matter how hard she tried not to look. Her wife was now crying and all Jane really wanted to do was hold her, but there would be no more holding Maura. Maura was still legally her wife, but she would never again have her affections.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you so much for your continued support. I really appreciate it. For those of you who were worried it might happen, I can promise you this won't turn into a Tommy/Maura fic. :)**

While stopped at a red light during her drive to Tommy's place, Jane reached for a CD and inserted it into her car stereo. Out of all the CDs she could have reached for, Jane wondered why her hand so happened to grab one that Maura had made for her. That mix CD, comprised of overly sentimental love songs, was given to Jane on their one-year wedding anniversary. Maura had made it especially for the two of them to listen to during their anniversary trip to Provincetown. Every song on that CD held a significant memory for the two of them, but what made the CD even more special was the fact that Maura had chosen each song while thinking about the milestones in their relationship. The two of them reminisced throughout the entire CD, their memories ranging from their first kiss to the first time they made love to each other and Jane's extremely unexpected proposal. That trip to Provincetown was a year ago—just _one _year—and so much about their lives had changed since then. No matter how much it hurt her, Jane put one particular song on repeat because it made her feel close to Maura again. The CD was torturous for Jane, but she continued to listen and she continued to cry.

When Jane entered Tommy's apartment, there were no hugs or friendly sibling banter. There was only a brief greeting followed by moments of uncomfortable silence as the two of them sat down on opposite ends of the couch. Jane noticed Tommy was nervous and she feared the worst. He had wanted to meet up with her, during a storm at that, so Jane's immediate assumption was her younger brother had gotten himself into trouble again and he needed her help. Tommy looked at his sister's red nose and puffy eyes. He knew she had been crying and he knew _why _she had been crying, which made him all the more hesitant to speak. Jane's heart was broken and he knew serving her with the papers would break what was left of her heart and her spirit, but he had to do this for Maura. _Maura is the one who was wronged_, Tommy had to repeatedly tell himself.

"Sorry I made you come here during the storm," Tommy began. "But I had to work up the nerve to see you."

"Are you in trouble again?" Jane asked worriedly.

"…I'm fine," Tommy said hesitantly. "I just have to give you something. I didn't want to do this, Jane, and I didn't put her up to it. Just keep that in mind."

Jane watched as Tommy handed her an envelope. By the look on his face and the statement he had just made, Jane knew what he was doing, but she still hoped with every fiber of her being that she was mistaken.

"Damn it, Maura!" Jane said angrily as she briefly scanned over the document. "She couldn't wait. She couldn't let me talk to her or try to work this out with me. Instead, she goes behind my back and files for divorce."

"You went behind her back and slept with another woman," Tommy pointed out.

"She told you what happened?" Jane asked. "She told you of all people. I bet you were thrilled to find out I screwed up. You've been after Maura and now she's available again. She'll be a divorced woman soon."

Tommy looked at her in disbelief. "You think I'd want to sleep with my sister's wife? Worse than that, you know Maura has done a lot for me and for Ma and you think I'd take advantage of her when she's vulnerable? Maura is like a sister to me. I have respect for her, unlike you, Jane."

"I'm sorry," Jane muttered, unable to look at Tommy. "I can't believe she brought you into this. She makes my own brother serve me. That's low, Maura."

"She's hurt, Jane," Tommy pointed out. "You're my sister and I love you and I know you're hurting, but think of how Maura feels. She doesn't have anybody but us. You were everything to her and you betrayed her. Why, Jane? Why did you do it? What was so special about this girl?"

"It was Samantha," Jane informed him.

"Sam?" Tommy asked, completely shocked. Her name had become synonymous with breaking Jane's heart. "I thought we were rid of her ten years ago. I hated that girl. Our whole family hated her. We almost celebrated when you broke up with her. She was always so wrong for you, Jane. You were completely ruined for all women until Maura came along and then you cheat on Maura with the woman who made you an emotional wreck?"

"I fell into her trap like always. Maura was out of town at some conference and we were having problems" Jane admitted. "That doesn't make it any better and it doesn't justify what I did. It doesn't matter if I was drunk or sober, I still cheated on Maura."

"How did Maura find out?" Tommy asked.

"Sam e-mailed pictures to her," Jane informed him. "Maura showed me the e-mail and I recognized her e-mail address."

"But how did she get Maura's e-mail?" Tommy asked, trying to piece everything together.

"It's not difficult, Tommy," Jane said and tossed her phone to him. "Look under Maura's name." Tommy scrolled through Jane's contacts until he found Maura. He noticed that her e-mail address was listed along with her phone number. "She must have gotten Maura's contact information when I was asleep. I kept mentioning Maura and she knew she was my wife."

"Who took the pictures?" Tommy asked.

"I did," Jane said disappointedly. "They were innocent at first and the more alcohol we consumed, the more explicit they became. There was no nudity, but there were pictures of me kissing her. I sent them to her and she saved them on her phone."

Tommy just shook his head. "How could you be so stupid? Jane, you're a detective. You know about photographic evidence. You saw her save these pictures and you let her? You even sent them to her. Jane, you're smarter than this; not only that, but you're _better_ than this. Ma didn't raise us this way. This is going to break her heart. What are you going to tell her?"

"This is between me and Maura," Jane said angrily. "I made a mistake and I'm going to make it up to her."

"I don't think you can," Tommy told her. "I thought you had been drugged and attacked. I thought this could have happened while you were undercover. I thought someone was after you. I _hoped_ any of those things were what really happened, but now I know my sister is a cheater. My big sister, the shining pride of the Rizzoli family, is a cheater. I can't believe it. You were so angry with Pop, but you turned out just like him."

Hearing Tommy's words ignited a spark within Jane. She was furious with her brother, but there was nothing she could say to him. He had told her the truth. There was no saying if she'd be able to work things out with Maura, but she wasn't going to give up. She grabbed the divorce papers and ripped them repeatedly until they were nothing more than tiny bits of paper raining into a trashcan.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you so much for your continued support and encouraging words and, yes, even for the criticism. Everything my readers tell me helps shape this story. I know some of you were asking for more interaction between Jane and Maura and I can promise you there will be plenty of that in the upcoming chapters. :)**

Maura tried to distract herself with Bass and Jo Friday while Jane was with Tommy. Knowing the papers were the reason for their meeting gave Maura anxiety so she did whatever she could to take her mind off of what was probably being said between Jane and Tommy, but distractions only worked for so long. She wondered how Jane was handling the situation and she felt guilty for putting Tommy in such a predicament. Tommy was an innocent party in their divorce, but Maura felt as if she didn't have a choice.

After Bass had eaten his strawberry and Jo Friday was tired from playing fetch, Maura was left alone with her thoughts. She went over to a bookshelf and pulled out the photo album she and Jane had put together one winter day when they were snowed in. Within those pages were some of Maura's fondest memories. By no means was Jane Maura's first love interest, but she was the first person who truly made her feel loved—her parents included.

Maura turned the pages until she saw the pictures taken on the night Jane proposed to her. Neither of them looked their best that night, but they still thought the other was the most beautiful woman they had ever laid eyes on. Maura lied down on the couch, the album faced down on her chest. She didn't want to be taken back to that night, but her subconscious had other plans for her. It had been two years since Jane proposed, but Maura could remember that night as if it had happened just moments ago.

_They were taking a walk on a summer night, their hands intertwined. From the outside looking in, their love would seem typical. They were just another couple holding hands in the park, but Maura knew they were so much more. She had found her soulmate and every moment without Jane was a moment wasted. Jane was her everything and for the first time in her life she had known what it was like to be loved._

_Their leisurely stroll took a turn for what could have been the worst when the unpredictable Boston weather changed on them. Although there had been storm clouds earlier, neither Jane nor Maura expected a sudden downpour of rain. They had no umbrella and Maura didn't even have so much as a sweater. The moment the rain began, her girlfriend took off her hooded sweatshirt and handed it over to Maura so she wouldn't get wet. Jane was now in nothing more than a pair of denim shorts and a tank top and what little clothing she was wearing was getting soaked from the rain, but Jane didn't care because her only concern was keeping Maura dry and warm._

"_Maybe we should go back to my house," Maura suggested once she saw how soaked her girlfriend was becoming._

"_Not yet," Jane told her. "I love being out in the rain."_

"_I can give your sweatshirt back to you," Maura insisted. "I'll purchase an umbrella from one of the shops across the street."_

"_Where's your sense of adventure?" Jane asked. "I remember having mud fights on rainy days when I was a little girl. All the kids from our neighborhood would go outside in our rain boots and jackets, find a huge patch of mud, and just start throwing mud clumps at each other and tackling each other."_

"_I never did anything like that as a child," Maura said glumly. _

"_It's never too late to start," Jane told her. Maura knew Jane was just teasing her, but there was something about being in the park with her girlfriend on a rainy day that brought out the inner child in Maura—the part of Maura that had never surfaced even during her actual childhood. _

_Maura reached into a nearby mud puddle and threw some at Jane. Her aim was off because she was trying to catch Jane off guard, but that attempt was all Jane needed to know that Maura had just declared a mud fight. Maura was still crouched down so it was easy for Jane to tackle her into the mud puddle. Jane could hardly control her laughter when she heard the little squeal that Maura had let out._

"_I'm sorry," Jane said jokingly. "Did I just ruin a $300 dry-clean only dress?"_

"_I surrender," Maura said through her laughter._

"_Already?" Jane asked as she got off of her. She was taken by surprise when Maura tackled her, causing both of them to get covered in mud. Her dress was ruined, her shoes were ruined, but she was having too much fun with Jane to even notice._

"_You fell for that?" Maura asked. Instead of a verbal response, Jane started kissing her. Even with muddy faces and hair, Maura couldn't resist Jane. Their impromptu mud fight had turned into Jane being affectionate with her and all Maura wanted to do was stay in the moment for as long as she could._

"_I love you so much," Jane said, her voice now quivering. Maura wasn't certain if it was the rain or her girlfriend was crying, but either way she knew something was different about Jane._

"_I love you, too," Maura responded, her hands cupping Jane's face._

"_Marry me?" Jane asked._

"_But we've only been dating a few months," Maura pointed out. _

_Jane looked at her with those dark brown eyes that Maura could never resist. "Those few months are long enough for me to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know this isn't the proposal you've dreamed of, but I don't want some overdone gesture for you. You're more special than that. What I'm saying now is coming straight from my heart and it's not something I rehearsed. It's something I'm feeling in this moment for the woman I know I'll love for the rest of my life."_

"_Yes!" Maura said excitedly. "Jane, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you." The moment Maura said she'd marry her, Jane pulled her in as close as she could. The two of them kissed in the park, drenched with rainwater and splattered with mud, but neither had experienced a more perfect moment. There was so much love between them and, although there were still other people in the park, it was as if nobody else existed._

With that memory still replaying in her head, Maura heard a key turning in the lock. It was Jane; it had to be. When Jane entered the living room, she noticed Jane's eyes were just as puffy as hers. They were both so vulnerable and neither had the slightest idea what they were doing. Going against their better judgment, the two of them latched on to each other. It was the tightest embrace they had shared in weeks, but they both knew it wasn't exactly a loving embrace. It was a moment of desperation and neither Jane nor Maura dared to say a single word.


	11. Chapter 11

Maura moved into her new apartment just one day after she gave the landlord her deposit. Jane had offered to help her move, but Maura wouldn't hear of it, although she couldn't move her belongings by herself. Maura knew Jane didn't _deserve _to help her. Allowing Jane to help her would make Jane feel needed and Maura feel dependent, which is a feeling Maura never wanted to have again. Dependence on Jane was something Maura experienced all throughout their marriage. She depended on her for love and protection, but those days were over for them. Maura no longer needed Jane and, now that they weren't living together, she would no longer have to see Jane outside of work.

While at work, they put up a façade. As far as everyone else was concerned, they were married—happily married. Jane and Maura weren't ready to expose the truth about their separation just as they weren't ready to expose the truth about their relationship nearly three years ago. They were both aware of possible conflicts when they began dating and they knew the conflicts would worsen with their divorce. Jane and Maura didn't want anyone to take sides, so they planned on keeping their pending divorce to themselves until it was final—if it ever became final. Maura was aware of Jane's actions after receiving the papers and she knew it was going to be a long, painful process if Jane had her way. Reconciliation, and not the root of their problems, is all Jane talked about, which only frustrated Maura.

Once the movers Maura hired had left, Maura got to work on arranging everything in her new apartment. She was exhausted, but she wanted to do something to keep her mind off of what was happening. It had been years since Maura lived alone and it was going to take time for her to get used to her new situation. As she hung up wall decorations and reassembled a bookshelf, Maura realized just how alone she really was. She didn't _need _Jane to assemble anything, but she remembered how much fun it was to assemble furniture with Jane when they first moved into their house. Assembling their bed was a priority, although they didn't exactly need a bed that afternoon because Maura had insisted on the two of them making love on the kitchen countertop first.

Maura glanced at the countertop in her new kitchen and it dawned on her that this countertop held no memories and neither did the shower or any other surface in her apartment. It may not have been as spacious as their house, but this apartment served as a new beginning for Maura and for Bass. Seeing Bass slowly maneuver himself in the kitchen gave Maura a sense of comfort. Her beloved tortoise was there with her and if Bass could feel at home she, too, could feel at home in her new apartment.

Maura didn't just have a new apartment; she had a new apartment building and a new neighborhood. When evening approached, Maura decided it was time to treat herself to something special for dinner while simultaneously exploring all her new neighborhood had to offer.

Maura was about to head out the front door of the building when she saw a woman on the other side, both hands filled with shopping bags. She was struggling to open the door on her way in, so Maura made it appoint to be polite and open the door for her. The woman appeared to be Maura's age or maybe a few years younger with a similar fashion sense. She was the type of woman Maura could see herself befriending and friends were what Maura needed, especially now that she was in a new neighborhood.

"Thank you so much," the woman said to her.

"You're welcome," Maura responded. "Lord & Taylor? I've been meaning to go there. Most of my favorite designers are releasing their autumn lines."

"I just got back from the shops at Prudential Center," the woman told Maura. "It's almost time to put away the summer dresses or at least put cardigans over them."

"Or blazers," Maura added.

"A woman after my own heart," she said and casually touched Maura's arm. "Are you new to this building? I've never seen you before."

"I just moved in today," Maura responded. "My name is Maura."

"Samantha," the woman said as she smiled at Maura. "But everyone calls me Sam. I better put these bags away. It was nice meeting you, Maura."

"Likewise," Maura told her.

"I hope you don't think this is out of line, but you seem friendly and that's a rare quality in this building," Sam began to say. "I'm in apartment 921 in case you ever want to stop by for a glass of wine and talk about our favorite designers."

"I'll take you up on that offer," Maura said before they waved goodbye to each other.

When her new friend turned to the side, Maura couldn't help noticing how familiar her profile looked. She had a feeling that she had seen her before, but where? As she walked around her new neighborhood, her mind never left Sam's profile. She wondered if she had met her before, maybe at a wine bar or Saks Fifth Avenue. _No, I would have remembered her_. _She's beautiful and quite charming. I'll just tell her how familiar she looks when I spend time with her. That'll spark a conversation and I'll have my answer then._


	12. Chapter 12

Seventy-two hours had passed since Maura had moved out of their house—seventy-two of the longest hours of Jane's life. In the hours since Maura had left, Jane hadn't utilized the rooms that held the most memories for her. She slept on the living room couch rather than their marital bed. She showered in the guest bathroom as opposed to the master bathroom. Jane had attempted to shower in the master bathroom the night Maura left, but all she could do was cry as the warm water trickled down her body. She thought about the times she had made love to Maura in that very shower and the thought of Maura's wet, naked body pressed against hers was overwhelming for Jane. She had become aroused for the first time in weeks and she attempted to get herself off while imagining what Maura used to do to her in the shower. Maura would start out by pinning Jane to the wall of the shower. Jane preferred to be in control during sex, which was usually a turn on for Maura, but there were times Jane could tell her wife's desire was to switch roles. When Maura had her wife against the wall, she'd proceed to get on her knees for her. While gripping Jane's thighs, Maura would start to slowly taste her wife. Just the sight of Maura on her knees was enough to make Jane climax, so when she started to maneuver her tongue, Jane would have to everything in her power to keep from coming in mere seconds. What always added to the moment was the love and intimacy in Maura's actions. While on her knees, Maura never broke eye contact with Jane. Not only did she want to taste and feel how much her wife was aroused, she wanted to savor the very sight of Jane's facial expressions and how her stomach muscles would tense as she came. Jane never told Maura, but she was infatuated with the way Maura always swallowed immediately after Jane's orgasms. Jane would watch the movement of Maura's throat muscles as her own fluids were swallowed and even _enjoyed _by Maura. With that memory replaying in her mind, Jane stopped pleasuring herself. There was no _pleasure _in what she was doing because it meant nothing without Maura. Sex, itself, meant nothing without Maura.

During the seventy-two hours following Maura's move, Jane reflected on everything that had happened with Sam. The two of them had an on-again-off-again relationship when Jane was in her mid-twenties. Her beauty had captivated Jane until she realized Samantha didn't have the personality to match. She was intelligent and goal-oriented, but she let the pursuit of money take precedent over her personal relationships including her relationship with Jane. She constantly broke their dates and promised to make it up to Jane, but every single one of her promises went unfulfilled. The rest of the Rizzoli family had seen right through her from the beginning, but Jane always made excuses for Samantha. Their relationship only lasted a year, but it was long enough to take a toll on Jane. She dated women in the meantime, but she never wanted to get serious with anyone until Maura. Maura had become her world and Jane never looked back.

Jane had told Tommy and Maura that she was catching up with Sam when they were at the bar, but it wasn't entirely true. Jane had no intentions of catching up with Sam, nor did she care what Sam had done over the past ten years. She was a happily married woman and she was more than content with where she was in other aspects of her life. What she wanted was to rub Sam's face in her happiness as juvenile as that may have sounded. Instead of letting Jane speak, Sam went on about some merger and what it meant for her. "Maybe I can finally get out of Boston now," Sam told her. "You know I've had my heart set on Wall Street for years." Jane was just itching to leave, but Sam kept talking. Jane's plan had backfired on her, so she had yet another drink just so she could stand the sound of this woman's voice. That drink turned into Sam buying them a round of shots, followed by Jane buying them a round to return the favor. They bought more rounds in an attempt to outdo each other and the more they drank, the friendlier they became. Jane told Sam about her wife and how in love she was, but she wasn't sure how much she had told her or whether or not her words were slurred. All of the alcohol was taking a toll on Jane's bladder, so she made a quick trip to the ladies room. When she returned, she noticed Sam already had a drink waiting for her. That last drink had pushed Jane over the edge. Within half an hour, she felt like vomiting, so she made her way back to the restroom. It was a drink Jane had never tried before, so she chocked it up to that particular mix not agreeing with her. The last thing she remembered about that night was a brief conversation they had after she staggered back to their table where Samantha was calm and collected although she had ordered the same drink for herself that she ordered for Jane.

"_Baby, are you alright?" Samantha asked as she held Jane's hand from across the table._

"_Don't call me that," Jane angrily told her. "And get your hands off of me. I need to go. I have to be home in case Maura wants to Skype with me like she suggested. I need Maura. I need to see her." Jane knew she was rambling, but she didn't care. More than ever, she was longing for Maura._

"_I'm not letting you go home by yourself in this condition," Samantha insisted. "You're coming home with me."_

"_No!" Jane told her. "I'm married, Sam, and I'm in love with my wife. What can't you understand about that?"_

"_The bar isn't closing for another two hours," Samantha said, completely ignoring Jane's question. "We'll just stay here until you feel better."_

That was the last part of the night Jane remembered. She knew she had brought her phone out at some point and they took pictures as they kissed, but she couldn't pinpoint when or why she had done so or even why she would kiss Samantha in the first place. Jane tried to focus on the details of that night, but there wasn't much she could recollect. She didn't remember how she got to Samantha's apartment and she definitely didn't remember having sex with Samantha, but she knew that it had happened because of the scene Jane woke up to in the morning. Her wedding ring was off of her finger, although she didn't remember taking it off. _Sam took it off! _Jane finally concluded as she lied on her living room couch. Knowing this woman touched her ring infuriated Jane. Jane remembered waking up naked next to Samantha. The sheets were completely soaked from what they had done, but Jane couldn't remember if it was because of something she had done to Samantha or something Samantha had done to her. Not wanting any confrontation with that woman, Jane put her clothes on, grabbed her ring and her phone, and headed out while Sam was still fast asleep.

She went home and cried in their bed, uncertain if she should tell Maura. Regardless if she remembered it, she had still betrayed her wife and she had broken their vows. It wasn't like her to do so, but Jane decided to take the coward's way out. _Sam isn't that vindictive and I'll be able to put this behind me_, but she was never quite able to put it behind her. The guilt consumed Jane, but she still couldn't tell Maura. Even when confronted, she still couldn't tell her, so she told Maura and Tommy a lie that spiraled out of control because it was easier than telling them a truth that she wasn't quite certain of.

Her lie had cost Jane her marriage and it was made even clearer as she looked at the empty closet in the guest room. Maura's clothes were gone. Maura's books were gone. Even Maura's toiletries in the bathroom were gone. _Maura _was gone and Jane knew it was her fault for not telling the truth. More than anything, she wished she could see Maura or even talk to her on the phone, but she knew that would just hurt Maura even more than she was already hurting. Jane felt like she owed it to Maura to leave her alone, so instead of calling her she stared longingly at a picture of her on her phone until she was finally able to fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Downtime was few and far in between for Maura now that her life revolved around work and unpacking, but her new apartment was coming along nicely. Her closet was now completely organized the way she liked it and her beloved Bass had an area designated just for him. The apartment held no reminders of Jane. There were none of her material possessions in Maura's room and there were no pictures of Jane in sight. Maura would always have memories of the time she spent with her wife, memories that she would hold close to her heart, but she was now in a Jane-free zone. Jane had never been to her apartment and, as far as Maura knew, Jane had never even been to her building and she planned on keeping it that way. If she wanted to heal, she knew she would have to keep her distance from Jane outside of work and spend time with people who had never known Jane Rizzoli and would never bring her up in conversation.

The weather was lovely and, from her bedroom window, Maura could see people going about their day. She contemplated doing the same, maybe even getting some shopping done, but a knock at her door snapped her out of that. _Please, let it not be Jane at my door. _

When Maura opened her door, she was surprised to find Samantha. The blue-eyed blonde was dressed head-to-toe in designer labels with flawlessly applied make-up and not a single hair was out of place. Maura couldn't help notice she looked even more beautiful now that she was relaxed instead of struggling with shopping bags as she was when they first met. Maura had become so entranced with this woman that she had failed to notice the bottle of wine she was carrying.

"I thought you could use an apartment-warming gift," Samantha said as she handed the bottle over to Maura.

"Please, come in," Maura said nervously. "I'll let this chill for a few minutes."

"It's already been chilled to its proper temperature," Samantha informed her. "You didn't think I'd welcome you with an un-chilled bottle of wine, did you?"

Maura just smiled at her. "No, of course not. Have a seat in the living room. I'll pour a couple of glasses for us."

"Your apartment is coming along nicely," Samantha told her as they started sipping from their wine glasses. "You've only lived here for four days. It took me weeks to get organized."

"I started with my closet," Maura informed her. "Organizing my closet is what motivated me to do the rest."

"You have impeccable taste," Samantha told her.

"I could say the same about you," Maura responded as she tried not to blush. "Are those shoes Yves Saint Laurent?"

"Givenchy," Samantha corrected her. "The same as your perfume. It smells so good on you."

Maura was starting to become uncomfortable. She knew Samantha was flirting with her, so to ease the tension Maura decided to pour herself another glass of wine. Samantha was a beautiful woman and if this were under different circumstances she could see herself having a _physical _relationship with her.

"How long have you lived here?" Maura asked in an attempt at changing the subject.

"Five years," Samantha told her. "This apartment was a gift to myself on my 30th birthday."

Maura was taken by surprise. "You don't look thirty-five."

Samantha started laughing. "It's the Botox, sweetheart. It works wonders."

"Oh," Maura said and averted her eyes.

"What do you do, Maura, if you don't mind me asking?"

Maura was on familiar territory now. "I'm a medical examiner." She usually wasn't so nonchalant about her career, but she was still trying to gauge Samantha.

"That's fascinating," Samantha responded, her eyes slightly widening. "I bet you have so many stories."

"There's never a dull moment," Maura said and smiled at her.

"Do you work for Boston or Cambridge?" Samantha asked.

"Boston," Maura said matter-of-factly.

"This may be me just reaching for the obscure, but do you know Jane Rizzoli? She's a detective now, but I knew her way back when," Samantha said with a huge smile on her face.

"How did you know her?" Maura asked as she pieced everything together. It all made sense to her now. This was Jane's ex-girlfriend and _mistress_.

"In the biblical sense," Samantha said and winked at her. "Just between us girls, I've been fucking her on a regular basis. She's amazing, Maura. I don't know if you're into women, but if you are, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you joined us. It wouldn't be our first time having a threesome and you look like you'd be her type."

Maura tried to hold back her tears. "She's still seeing you?"

"She's been seeing me a couple of times a week for the past few months," Samantha informed her. "Her wife doesn't know how she likes to be touched, so she comes to me every opportunity she gets. Why is this upsetting you so much?"

"I'm the wife who doesn't know how she likes to be touched," Maura said angrily. "I'm the one she leaves every opportunity she gets, just like you said."

Samantha was flabbergasted. "So, you're the one I sent those pictures to? Maura, I'm so sorry. Had I known it was you, I wouldn't—"

"Save it!" Maura yelled. "I want you to leave!"

"Maura, we should talk about this," Samantha urged her. "We get along so well. Jane's the one at fault, not us._ Jane_ is the cheater."

"Sam, I need you to leave my apartment," Maura said, gritting her teeth.

"Maura, we're the victims here," Samantha tried explaining, but Maura wasn't going to hear it.

"Get out!" Maura yelled. She threw her wine glass down on the floor, leaving Samantha to watch it shatter. When she refused to leave, Maura slammed another one down. "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

Maura was too angry to care what she was ruining. Her best wine glasses had been shattered. She had thrown her favorite vase across the room. Samantha slipped out without Maura even noticing. Maura Isles Rizzoli was despondent once the initial anger had subsided. She was now crying uncontrollably. Her Jane; her beloved Jane had betrayed her far worse than she had expected.


	14. Chapter 14

On her day off, Jane had decided to go to a Red Sox game with Frankie and a woman he had began dating the night that had forever turned Jane's life upside down. Frankie and Brandy were really hitting it off and Jane was happy that _something_ positive had come out of that night.

The humidity was taking an effect on Jane's hair and her clothes were feeling damp, but she paid no mind to the discomfort. In that moment, Fenway Park was her safe haven. Her beloved Red Sox were winning, she was in good company, and for a brief moment she was able to take her mind off of Maura.

Until…

"It's Maura," Jane told Frankie when she felt her phone vibrating. "I have to take this."

"Tell her to meet us after the game," Frankie said. Jane just nodded in agreement before looking for a more secluded spot—away from Frankie. Besides Tommy, her entire family was oblivious to her situation with Maura and she wanted to keep it that way.

"Maura?" Jane answered. Her first attempt at calling Jane had gone unanswered, so Maura had tried calling again instead of leaving a voicemail.

"Jane!" Maura said angrily. "How could you do this to me?"

Jane was taken by surprise. "Do what?"

She heard Maura start to sob. "You're still seeing Sam."

"Sam?" Jane asked. "How did you—Maura, where are you?"

"Home," Maura responded. Home. Jane knew she would never get used to Maura using that word in reference to a place she wasn't part of.

"What's your address?" Jane asked.

"I don't want you here," Maura responded coldly.

"Maura, please," Jane practically begged. Maura was distraught and, although she had no right to comfort her, Jane wanted to be in Maura's presence. Sam was up to something; she just knew it and it devastated Jane to think that Sam could be telling Maura lies that would hurt her even more.

Maura reluctantly gave Jane her address once she realized it was better to have this conversation with Jane in person instead of via phone. Jane had quickly made up a lie and told Frankie. Jane had never left a Red Sox saw game early, so Frankie knew it had to be an emergency. He let her go with little questioning other than asking her if everything was okay.

When Jane approached the building Maura lived in, she couldn't stop the shudder that racked her body. She was taken back to the morning she left Sam and every ounce of guilt for being with Sam returned to her. _What has she done to my Maura? _Fearing the worst, Jane put aside her feelings and hurried to Maura.

When Maura answered the door, Jane was relieved to see that Samantha wasn't there, but that feeling of relief vanished when she saw the condition Maura's apartment was in. There was shattered glass on the floor and Maura's face was almost unrecognizable because of how much she had been crying. It was against her better judgment, but Jane held Maura's body as close to hers as she could. A mixture of tears and mascara stained Jane's white jersey as Maura cried into her shoulder.

"I shouldn't be doing this," Maura told her. "I shouldn't be this weak."

Jane ran her hands along Maura's back. "You're never weak. I'm the one who is weak, not you. I should never have talked to her."

"I don't know who to believe anymore," Maura admitted. "She tried befriending me, Jane, and I fell for it. She knew I was your wife all along, yet she continued to tell me the details of your sex life with her."

"My _what _life with her?" Jane asked. She grabbed Maura's hand and led her over to the couch.

"She says the two of you are still meeting up and she says you have been for months now," Maura explained. "I'm trying not to believe her because what I want is for the woman I love to be better than that, but if you were able to lie about kissing her when I confronted you, it's quite possible that you could be lying about having an ongoing affair with her."

Jane was furious. She pounded her fist on the couch hard enough to startle Maura. She wanted to confront Sam, but she knew that shouldn't be her priority. Her priority was the distraught woman sitting two feet away from her on the couch, the woman whose world she had turned upside down.

"Maura," Jane began. "I am _not _having an affair with her and I'm telling you this in all honesty."

"Why should I believe you?" Maura asked. She was emotionless now, which worried Jane. _Why should she believe me? I haven't given her any reason to believe me for weeks now._

"There is no reason for you to believe me," Jane admitted. "I've been lying to you since the beginning. I lied to you when you asked if I had kissed another woman and I lied to you when I gave you details about what happened with her. Sam is malicious, which is why I broke up with her all those years ago. She always goes after what she wants and she doesn't care who she hurts in the process. I've only seen her once over the past ten years, Maura. Please believe me."

"She told me you've had a threesome," Maura told Jane. She was now staring at the wall, anything to avoid eye contact with Jane. "She even invited me to join."

"Maura, you know I would never do something like that," Jane told her. "I get performance anxiety when you suggest something remotely kinky. When it comes to sex, I'm about as old-fashioned as it gets. What makes you think I could have sex with two women at the same time?"

"I—I don't know," Maura stammered. "She just seemed so sincere when she told me."

"Do you remember the first time we made love?" Jane asked. When she didn't receive a response from Maura, she decided to go on with the point she was trying to make. "It wasn't some scene out of a movie. I was awkward and shy and I was so nervous about not being able to please you. You had to reassure me that I was doing okay. Does that sound like a woman who has been having an ongoing affair?" She still received no response from Maura other than a blank stare. The wheels in Maura's mind were turning—she knew they were. "I think she put something in my drink that night. Either that or she gave me something she knew I couldn't handle. Maura, I don't remember having sex with her. I don't even know if I actually _did _have sex with her. I should have told you this earlier, but I couldn't bring myself to admit that I could be taken advantage of by her."

"I'm not going to hold you and I'm not going to sympathize with you," Maura said matter-of-factly. "You could have saved us both so much pain had you told me the truth. You shouldn't have let your pride get in the way. I'm your wife, Jane. I would have been on your side."

Jane felt defeated. She knew reconciliation wasn't likely, but she had held on to the slightest bit of hope that it would someday happen. It was now time for to abandon that hope and come to terms with what the future held for her—a life without Maura.

"I don't want you to suffer anymore. Maybe I should just sign the papers and let you move on with your life," Jane said with her head in her hands.

"Maybe you should," Maura responded. "I'll have a new set mailed to you."

Once Jane heard that, she knew it was time for her to leave. She hurried down the hall and walked eight flights of stairs down to the first floor. She could have taken the elevator, but the walk helped her gather her thoughts. As she was about to exit, she saw Sam enter the building. It was the moment of truth for Jane; she could confront her with the risk of Maura seeing them or she could ignore her altogether.


	15. Chapter 15

Jane had never hit a woman in anger before and she wasn't planning on starting now. She had used force with suspects when it was necessary, but hitting a woman she had once dated—even if that woman was Samantha—was out of the question for her. Physically, Jane was so much stronger than Samantha and although she wanted to hurt her for all of the pain she had put Maura through, she just couldn't get herself to do it. A verbal confrontation, though not as effective, would have to suffice.

"Samantha!" Jane said angrily. "I need to talk to you."

Samantha gave her an innocent look. "About what, Janie?"

Janie. It was a nickname Samantha had used for Jane throughout their relationship. It was endearing when said by Jane's family, but the sound of her nickname coming out of Samantha's mouth infuriated Jane.

"You know what I want to talk to you about." She was becoming tired of Samantha's games. Jane knew she had also played a part in it by lying to Maura, but Samantha had ruined her life and now she was out to further ruin Maura's.

"Are you here to see Maura?" Samantha asked. "How is she? I hope she isn't too upset. She's such a beautiful woman, Jane, but she's very easy. I'd watch out for her if I were you. I just fed her a few lines and she practically wanted to take her clothes off for me."

"That's not Maura," Jane pointed out. "She may have flirted with you, but I know that's the extent of it. Maura has class, unlike you. I just can't believe you—no, I can—believe you would do this. How did you even know she was _my _Maura?"

"I'm not stupid, Jane. I've known she was your wife this whole time," Samantha explained. "You talked about her nonstop at the bar, so I knew what her name was and who I should send the pictures to. My friend owns this building, so when a Maura Isles Rizzoli signed a lease, she told me. Rizzoli isn't a common name, so she thought she could be related to you somehow. That's when I looked over her paperwork so I could find out which apartment she'd be in. There's a picture of her on the wallpaper of your phone, so I remembered what she looked like. All I had to do was wait to run into her and it went from there. She's kind of _slow _for someone who is supposed to be a genius. You know how to pick 'em, Jane."

"I knew how to pick _you_," Jane said sarcastically.

"Was that supposed to hurt?" Samantha asked. "You're hot and what we had that night was fun, but I'm over it now. I'm not out to make you my girlfriend again and I had no intention of causing your divorce, or your impending divorce, rather."

"Bullshit!" Jane said angrily. "You got my phone and saved Maura's contact information with every intention of sending those pictures to her—pictures that I don't remember taking. It was _you_, Sam. Then you knew Maura and I had separated because she moved into this building and you sought after her. I don't know if you wanted to hurt her or if you wanted to seduce her or what your intentions were with _my _Maura. It doesn't matter now because I'm going to make sure you stay away from her. I've never hurt a woman before, but if it's between you and protecting Maura, I'm not against it. I will do _anything _to protect my wife."

Samantha just looked at Jane and scoffed. "You haven't changed, Jane. Ten years and you haven't changed. You act tough and you threaten me, but deep down you're so weak. You're a cheater, Jane Rizzoli. You're a cheater and I exposed you for what you are. Ten years ago, you broke up with me and played the victim to your family. Now, you cheated on Maura and you're blaming me for it. You didn't have to talk to me that night, Jane, but you wanted to. You didn't have to go home with me, but you wanted to. Just admit that you're not the noble person you'd like everyone to think you are."

"You drugged me, Sam," Jane pointed out. "Even if I willingly talked to you, that doesn't give you the right to put something in my drink."

"I put something in your drink?" Samantha asked. "Is that what you're telling everyone? Oh, Jane, you're more delusional than I thought. You really need to stop feeding Maura these lies. Haven't you hurt the poor woman enough?"

Jane had to suppress every urge telling her to shove Samantha. She clenched her fists. She gritted her teeth. She took deep breaths—anything to keep her from severely hurting this woman. Jane knew it was best to leave so her temper wouldn't take over, and without saying another word to Samantha, she headed out the door.

Her confrontation hadn't gone according to plan and Jane felt defeated. Confronting Sam had solved nothing. She had threatened her, but Jane knew Sam was malicious and threats were meaningless to her. If she wanted something, she was willing to do anything in her power to get it, regardless of whose life she had to ruin. What she wanted was beyond Jane and Jane wasn't sure if she cared any longer. All that mattered was Maura.

Jane was standing outside the building when she pulled out her phone and decided to call Maura. She had no idea what she was going to say to her if she answered and she knew she would probably end up rambling, but she was worried about her and she needed reassurance. Maura's phone kept ringing until her voicemail recording picked up.

"Maura, it's Jane," she said in her message. "Of course, you know it's me. You know my voice already…" Those three simple sentences were all Jane had spoken before she saw Maura standing right in front of her.

She was smiling. Maura was _actually _smiling and Jane could only hope she was the cause of that smile.

"I overheard you talking to Sam," Maura admitted. "I stayed out of sight so you wouldn't notice me, but I heard the majority of your conversation."

"I don't see how that benefits either of us," Jane told her. "She said I was a cheater."

"She was lying, Jane. I could tell by the tone of her voice," Maura explained. "I was trying to gauge her during our first conversation, but I couldn't. Sam is quite…obvious. Just by these two conversations, I was able to recognize a slight change in her tone when she's lying. This is why you should always have me present when you question people."

"You could recognize a change in Sam's tone when she's lying, but you didn't recognize your own wife lying to you?" Jane asked.

"You're not as easy to read," Maura pointed out. "Telling the truth would have saved you all the trouble, Jane. We could have gotten through this together."

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when the humidity takes a toll on your hair?" Jane asked as she tucked a few strands of hair behind Maura's ears.

"No," Maura said matter-of-factly. "You haven't."

"Well, I should start telling you," Jane said. She knew it was out of line, but all she wanted in that moment was to kiss Maura. "I know it doesn't sound sincere to you anymore, but I'm sorry for what I've put you through. I know this can't be reconciled and I know you want the papers, but I hope someday I can at least have my best friend back."

"Jane?"

"Yes?"

"We need to talk."

Those were four words Jane had never liked hearing from Maura, but after all she had put her through, Jane was grateful for every opportunity to spend time with her and every single word that Maura spoke.


	16. Chapter 16

_We need to talk_. That statement replayed in Jane's mind as she took the elevator up to Maura's apartment. They rode in awkward silence, neither one daring to speak or even look at each other. Jane hoped at any moment the door would open and a mother with a small child would enter the elevator with them. The child's mom would tell him or her not to push all of the buttons or make too much noise. It would serve as the perfect distraction for them and lead to small talk. The mom would apologize for her son or daughter pushing all of the buttons and Jane and Maura would tell her there's no need to apologize, but no mother and child or even a loud pair of teenage girls entered the elevator. Instead, they rode in silence until the door opened for them to get off on the eighth floor.

Jane had expected a walk down the hallway just as awkward and lengthy as their time in the elevator, so she was surprised when Maura grabbed her by the hand and hurriedly led her to her apartment. Maura nervously fumbled with her keys. She knew which key she needed to unlock the door, but she just couldn't properly insert it. Sensing her frustration, Jane asked if she could give it a try. Jane was able to unlock the door in a matter of seconds, but that wasn't the end of Maura's nervousness.

Once she was certain the door was locked behind them, Maura lifted the hem of the Red Sox logo tank top Jane had worn to the game. She had worked the hem up to just below Jane's bra before she met any resistance from her estranged wife.

"What are you doing?" Jane asked. "We're supposed to be talking."

"I need to feel you," Maura insisted.

Jane had no clue what Maura's intentions were, but Maura had used the word "need' in reference to her and that was all she needed to hear. Jane removed her tank top and let it carelessly drop to the floor. She wondered if Maura wanted her bra to follow suit, but before she could even ask, Maura had latched on to her. She didn't try to remove any more articles of clothing. Instead, she ran her hands up and down Jane's back as she rested her head on her shoulder. Jane knew it was a bold move, but she decided to kiss Maura. It began as a chaste kiss, but it increased in intensity. Jane would have left it at a single kiss if she hadn't felt Maura part her lips with her tongue. Jane wanted to be in the moment, but she kept worrying about the details of what was happening. Where should she put her hands? Was it okay to start unzipping Maura's dress? Was this going to eventually lead to sex? Were either of them even ready for that? Jane felt Maura's hand graze the waistline of her jeans. In one quick move, the top button had been undone. Maura broke their kiss and slowly dropped to her knees in front of Jane. Jane knew what was going to happen next, but she decided to stop her the moment she felt Maura start to tug at her jeans.

"Maura, stop!" Jane said, although she didn't want her to stop.

Maura picked up Jane's tank top and handed it back to her. "I don't know what's come over me. It's just been so long."

"I didn't want to stop you," Jane admitted. "I just don't want us to do something we'll regret."

"We _would _regret this," Maura agreed. "Have a seat in the living room. I'm going to…freshen up a bit."

Jane knew that was code for Maura silently chastising herself in the bathroom or her bedroom. "You don't need to," Jane insisted. "Please don't. Everything that's happened this summer has been my fault. We both had a moment of weakness right now, not just you."

"I kept thinking about her touching you," Maura told Jane. "I know you don't remember it and I certainly don't know what she did, but I keep imagining different scenarios and my mind starts replaying everything you've said to me this summer about problems in our marriage."

Jane pulled out a chair in the kitchen so Maura could sit down. "I love you, Maura. That's never going to change. Even when our divorce is final, I'm still going to love you—I'm still going to be _in love _with you."

"You'll remarry eventually," Maura insisted.

"Remarry?" Jane scoffed. "Maura, I won't even date. Now that I know what it's like to be married to you, no other woman can compare."

"Then why did you say we had problems?" Maura asked. "I know it had nothing to do with work. Work is never a problem for you. You thrive in your job. Was it about us not having a baby?"

Jane gently grabbed Maura's hand. "It wasn't about having a baby. I wanted us to have one when the time was right, whenever that may be. What mattered the most to me was our marriage and making you happy. If you wanted one right away, we'd have one right away. If you wanted to wait, we'd wait."

Maura pulled her hand away. "You could have avoided so much pain for the both of us if you would have told me the truth."

"What was I supposed to say?" Jane asked. "Maura, I had a drink with my ex and then she took advantage of me. I don't even know if she drugged me. I usually don't drink hard liquor. Maybe she just gave me something I couldn't handle. I don't know, Maura."

"It doesn't matter, Jane," Maura said. She tried not to sound angry, but the thought of Samantha touching Jane got the best of her. "It doesn't matter if she drugged you or if she gave you something she knew you couldn't handle. You shouldn't have talked to her, but that doesn't give her the right to take advantage of you. You told her you had a wife. You told her you _loved _your wife. You also told her you wanted to go home. If she were a decent human being, she would have called Frankie or Tommy or even your mom so one of them could take you home. She wouldn't have taken you to her apartment, taken your clothes off, and removed your wedding ring. She also wouldn't have staged something and sent the pictures to your wife. As you said, she's _malicious_."

"I don't want to talk about it," Jane said as she averted her eyes. "I'm sorry I put you through this."

"I'm sorry you put me through this, too," Maura told her. "But I still love you and I'm still your best friend. We can help each other get through this."

"Why aren't you hating me?" Jane asked. "You should be hating me right now for everything I've said to you."

"I'm tired of hurting alone," Maura admitted. It was a simple statement, but it was all that was needed to make both of them feel even more vulnerable than they had ever felt before.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. Writer's block is never fun. Thanks for the fic love, everyone, and an extra special thank you to Bambibelle84 for giving me that extra push I needed to get this story going again. :)**

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Maura wanted to be friends. Jane kept that in mind as she lied in bed with Jo Friday. Maura's usual spot on their bed was still empty and it probably would be for awhile, but Jane knew it was only a matter of time until she no longer slept alone. She had no other woman in mind—she couldn't even _fathom _dating another woman—but Jane knew friendship with Maura would eventually lead to the two of them dating and then living together. They had followed this path before and Jane knew they could follow it again.

A month had passed since Jane had gone to Maura's apartment and, although she had seen her at work, she had yet to spend any quality time with Maura, but it wasn't for a lack of trying. She had asked Maura to come over and, when Maura refused, Jane chocked it up to her not being ready to set foot in their house—or what _was _their house. Maura may have moved out and taken her belongings with her, but Jane left their house exactly how it had been when Maura lived there. The living room was still the same and the bedroom was still the same and, regardless of how many times Jane had attempted to change it, she just couldn't bring herself to rearrange a single thing Maura had put in place. Instead of progress, there was a constant void in the house. Maura's side of the closet was still empty, except for the dress she had worn the day they were married.

The white dress was the solitary item hanging in Maura's side of the closet, which made it especially noticeable for Jane. She knew there was a reason why Maura had left that particular dress and she knew there was a reason why it was now hanging instead of tucked away in a chest like the rest of the mementos from their relationship. Maura had wanted it to serve as a reminder of what she had lost and what she could never replace. The dress was still there, but Maura would never be in it. Jane would never again zip up the back and wrap her arms around Maura's waist afterward. Most importantly, she would never again unzip the dress and leave it tossed on the side of their bed while she was making love to her wife.

With thoughts of Maura still running through her head, Jane took the dress out of the closet and ran her fingers along the fabric. It was soft to the touch and if she closed her eyes she could picture Maura wearing it on the day they were married.

"_Do me?" Maura asked as she emerged from the bathroom in a half-zipped knee-length dress._

"_Not until after we're married," Jane said jokingly. She knew exactly what Maura was asking, but her nerves were getting the best of her. Jane had to add some levity to the situation and Maura had given her the perfect opportunity._

"_Jane Rizzoli is refusing to have sex?" Maura asked._

_Jane zipped up Maura's dress and wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. The scent of Maura's perfume was intoxicating and Jane was finding it difficult to resist her. She placed delicate kisses on her cheek and noticed the smile widening on her future wife's face. "Save your energy," Jane urged her. "After we have dinner with my family, I'm going to wear you out in the best way."_

_Maura turned around so she could face Jane. "You're so sure of yourself. What if I'm the one who wears you out?"_

"_Is that a challenge?" Jane asked as she pulled her even closer to her._

"_Jane?"_

"_Yes, my future Mrs. Rizzoli?"_

"_This is the last dress I'll ever wear as an unmarried woman and I look fantastic in it!"_

"_You do," Jane agreed. "Which is why I'm going to keep my hands and eyes on you before some other woman steals you away from me."_

"_No woman could ever steal me away from you," Maura promised. _

With that in mind, Jane returned to her bed. _No woman could ever steal her away from me. Maura will be mine again. Just be patient, Jane. Be patient, be sweet to her, and do whatever you can to win her over. Maura is a special woman and she deserves to be treated that way._

Jane grabbed her phone and decided to call Maura. Maura's picture was still on the lock screen and home screen of Jane's phone and just the sight of those pictures brought a smile to Jane's face.

"Jane?" Maura asked.

"Is this a bad time?"

"No," Maura responded. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," Jane insisted. "I was just thinking about you. I really miss you, Maura. Maybe we could do something soon."

"I'd like that," Maura told her. _She wants to spend time with me. This is a good sign. _

"I was going to watch the game with Frankie tonight, but he bailed on me to spend time with his girlfriend. Do you want to go to the Dirty Robber? We haven't been there since—"

"Since before all of this happened?" Maura interrupted.

"Yeah," Jane said sheepishly.

She heard Maura take a deep breath. "I would love to, Jane, but I have a date tonight."

"A date?" Jane asked in disbelief. "You have a date?"

"I do," Maura said nonchalantly. "It's been three months since our separation and I'm dating again. I owe it to myself."

"What's she like? How did you meet?" Jane asked. She tried to be civil, but she just couldn't hide her anger.

"Jane, I don't think that's any of your concern," Maura said as calmly as she could.

"We're friends, right?"

"We are," Maura insisted.

"If we're friends, we should be able to talk about these things. Are you going to have sex with her?" The words just spewed from Jane's mouth and she couldn't believe she had asked that.

"I'm not going to answer that. Jane, this is a mistake. We're not ready to be friends. I think it's best if we don't see each other outside of work until you can accept the fact that I'm dating other women."

"Maura, it wasn't supposed to happen like this. You're not supposed to be dating," Jane told her. Had this conversation occurred face-to-face, she would have latched on to Maura and practically begged her not to see another woman, but Jane was grateful they were on the phone so Maura wouldn't have to witness something so pathetic.

"I was never supposed to date again. I was a married woman, Jane, but we're separated now and there's only so long I could cry in my apartment."

"I'll see you around," Jane said before hanging up. She was about to cry and the last thing she wanted was for Maura to hear her, but the moment they hung up, Jane sobbed into Maura's pillow.

In a few hours, her Maura would be on a date with another woman and there was nothing she could do about it. She pictured some nameless, faceless woman taking her Maura out to dinner and telling her how beautiful she looks. At the end of the night, they'd probably kiss and Jane hoped with all of her heart that it would end there. A kiss was heartbreaking enough, but what if Maura invited her upstairs? _Please, Maura, don't give up on us yet._


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: All I can say about this chapter is please don't hate me. haha.**

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Maura left her apartment building just shy of three in the morning. Her date had gone better than expected, but Maura wasn't feeling any afterglow. They had made the obligatory first date small talk over dinner and drinks—the type of conversation Maura was no longer used to engaging in on a date. She was used to her dates with Jane; they were seamless and no small talk had ever been required. Jane and Maura's personalities were far from similar, but they were still compatible. There was rarely a lull in their conversations and, in the rare occasion that there was, silence was acceptable and even _comfortable_.

But it was different with Lisa.

Lisa was an attractive woman and Maura had thought so since the moment she laid eyes on her at a local coffee shop that they both frequented. After seeing each other a couple of times, they decided to say hello. Lisa was a feminine woman and the growing attraction caught Maura by surprise. Maura was rarely attracted to feminine women, save for the few flings she had in her younger years, but she was never attracted to these women enough to _date _them. However, Lisa was different. When Maura spewed the facts and tidbits that annoyed Jane, she actually listened to her, so when Lisa asked Maura on a date, Maura was more than happy to accept.

While sipping champagne by candlelight on the patio of Lisa's favorite lounge, she grabbed Maura's hand. The sparks weren't the same as whenever Jane touched her hand, but Maura wondered if it was because this was new and they were still getting to know each other. When Lisa kissed her, Maura became lost in the moment, not because of the kiss itself but because of how long it had been since a woman had lavished so much attention upon her.

"Maybe we should continue this at my apartment," Maura suggested. Jane was a passing thought, but Maura's libido and the champagne had gotten the best of her. What they did wasn't making love; it was simply fucking if there was such a thing as _simply _fucking each other. There was no emotion involved and no tender embraces afterward like there was with Jane. It was for the sheer purpose of getting off, which for the most part, they both succeeded at.

Although Maura _enjoyed_ sex with Lisa, she just wasn't Jane. She didn't take control like Jane did. Her fingers weren't as skillful as Jane's and she didn't know the one spot that could bring Maura to orgasm with a simple touch. Jane had _learned_ Maura's body and, although they had been together for years, Jane was still willing to learn new ways to touch her wife. Getting off was never a priority for Jane. Her main focus was Maura's pleasure, but even when Maura's energy was spent, she'd still make it _her _priority to make Jane come as intensely as she possibly could. Maura used the same techniques on Lisa that worked on Jane, but it was further proof that Lisa wasn't Jane when she told Maura to change things up a bit. Her body was beautiful, but when Maura entered her she realized Lisa wasn't as tight as Jane. Jane was by no means a virgin when they started dating, but she never had the desire for another woman to enter her before her first time with Maura. It was so intimate and Maura reveled in the fact that she was the first and _only _woman who had ever been inside Jane. Over the duration of their relationship, Maura had also become accustomed to the way Jane tasted. Her flavor was distinct and Maura was grateful that it stayed on her tongue and her lips long enough for her to savor it even after they were finished making love to each other…but Lisa didn't taste like Jane. She tasted sweet, but it was Jane that she craved.

When they were finished, they gave each other a quick peck on the lips before Lisa got dressed and simply said to Maura, "I'll call you tomorrow."

Without saying another word she was gone and Maura was left to wonder why she had just given herself physically to another woman when it was Jane that she wanted and Jane that she _needed_.

It was nearly three in the morning when Maura came to the conclusion that she had to see Jane. She still had a key to their house, so she took it upon herself to enter without knocking or calling Jane to give her a heads up.

When Maura entered Jane's bedroom, she noticed she had fallen asleep with the light on. The sight of Jane peacefully sleeping was irresistible to Maura, so she decided to rid herself of her dress and climb into bed next to her. It was the spot she had always slept in when they were married and lying there again made her feel as if nothing had changed.

"Maura?" Jane asked, still half-asleep. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you," Maura stammered.

With her eyes still closed, Jane attempted to smile. As she usually did whenever they fell asleep together, Jane wrapped her arms around Maura for reassurance that Maura was with her because, if Maura was with her, Maura was safe and cared for. "You smell different. Is that a new perfume?"

"No," Maura responded. Jane was observant. It was her job to be observant, which made Maura wonder why she hadn't taken a shower before seeing Jane. She still had the scent of another woman on her body and she should have known Jane would pick up on that.

While still in her half-asleep state, it had dawned on Jane that Maura had been intimate with another woman. "Why are you here?" Jane asked as she let go of Maura. "Sex with one woman tonight wasn't enough?"

"She isn't you," Maura admitted. "No other woman will look at me the way you look at me. You don't have to say anything or do anything for me to know that you love me."

"The way I _looked_ at you," Jane corrected her. "Just a month ago, it seemed like you wanted to work things out. Maura, you know what happened or what _didn't _happen between Sam and me. I'm sorry I lied to you, but that doesn't give you the right to return to the bed we shared as wife and wife after you fucked some other woman. Maura, I was passed out with Sam. You _willingly _fucked some other woman. You probably even initiated it. What happened, Maura? Did she not touch you the way I do so now you're wanting me to finish you off?"

"That's not why I'm here," Maura insisted.

"Your papers are on the coffee table," Jane informed her. "I signed every last one of them tonight. I signed them out of anger and I wasn't going to give them to you, but after this stunt you pulled I'm finished."

"I'm not going to see her again," Maura told her. She had latched on to Jane in hopes that even the slightest physical contact would help change her mind. "Jane, I love you. I can't be with another woman. I thought I could, but no other woman I meet will ever be you."

Jane loosened Maura's grip and moved as far away from her as she could. "What part of 'I'm finished' don't you understand? Your papers are on the coffee table. I suggest you get them now. I don't want you leaving the house by yourself at this time, so just stay in the guest room, but I want you gone by the time I wake up."

"We need to talk about this in the morning. I'm not giving up on you, Jane."

"Then don't give up on me," Jane responded. "But I'm giving up on you."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: So, this is the second to the last chapter. In my last note, I asked that you don't hate me. In this one, I ask that you don't burn me at the stake for heresy and crimes against Rizzles. :)**

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Jo Friday had slept in Jane's bed. The weather was unusually cold for a September morning, so somewhere in between the moment she had told Maura to stay in the guest room and the moment Jane woke up, her beloved terrier had made her way underneath the covers with Jane instead of sleeping at the foot of her bed. The warmth from Jo Friday's body was a source of comfort for Jane. She wanted to remain in that position, but her dog started wiggling underneath the covers and gently scratching Jane's legs. When Jane refused to get out of bed, Jo Friday made her way up to Jane's pillow so she could lick her face until Jane got out of bed. Had her dog not been hungry, Jane would have preferred to remain in bed until the noises in the kitchen had ceased. _Why the hell is she still here?_

Jane hesitantly made her way over to the kitchen, but Jo Friday scampered ahead of her. Her tail started wagging when she saw Maura open her bag of food and pour some into her dish along with fresh drinking water. When Maura spoke to Jo Friday, Jane had reached her limit. Maura's voice annoyed her. Maura's smile annoyed her. Everything she had once loved about this woman now annoyed her.

"What are you still doing here?" Jane asked, her tone startling Maura. "I told you to leave before I got out of bed."

"I thought you might be hungry, so I made some breakfast for you."

"Like a good wife?" Jane asked. "Why don't you have your new woman spend the night at your place so you could make breakfast for her?"

"_You're _my woman, Jane," Maura insisted. "I was hoping we could talk. I'm sorry about what I did, but that will never happen again. I'll call her right now and tell her I can't see her anymore."

"Get in the shower," Jane commanded. "Get in the shower and then we'll talk. If I'm going to be near you. I don't want you smelling like another woman."

The water was running in the shower when Jane noticed Maura's phone on the kitchen counter. Out of curiosity, Jane grabbed her phone and was relieved to see a picture of Bass as her wallpaper instead of some other woman. _Some things never change._

As Jane looked at the picture of Bass, she saw an incoming text message from a woman named Lisa. Without going into Maura's inbox, Jane was able to read a preview of the message. "_I can still taste you_" was what flashed at the top of her screen. There might have been more to the message, but Jane didn't care to read it. That little preview was all she needed. She remembered the papers on the coffee table and checked to see if they were still there. Maura hadn't put them away yet, so Jane used the rest of her time alone to make sure they were filled out properly. She decided that she wanted this divorce when Maura told her she was going to date another woman, but after seeing that text message, Jane was absolutely certain getting a divorce was the only way to solve their problem. Sam had hurt Jane. Jane had hurt Maura. Now, Maura was hurting Jane. _What's next?_

Maura didn't have a change of clothes, so she borrowed a pair of yoga pants and a tank top from Jane. Her make up was off and her wet hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She smelled like a combination of cherry almond lotion, lavender shampoo, and cocoa butter body wash. It was an unusual combination, but the scent was intoxicating and Jane had to suppress every urge that told her to hold Maura. Ever since before they were married, Jane had loved Maura's fresh out of the shower scent. If the circumstances were different, she would have held her close as she placed delicate kisses on her neck, but regardless of the memories Maura's comforting scent evoked, Jane knew she couldn't give in.

"Lisa sent you a text message," Jane said calmly. "That woman can still taste you. Maybe you should tell her to rinse her mouth out, unless she wants to savor you. I know I never want that taste in my mouth again."

"Jane—"

"No," Jane interrupted. "It's my turn to talk right now. You disgust me, Maura. You know what I went through and then you agree to go on a date with another woman. When I asked questions about her, you said you didn't think it was right for us to be friends until I accepted the fact that you were going to date other women. I was upset, but I left it at that and I was going to give you your space. Then you fuck this woman and want to spend the rest of the night in bed with me? I was _raped_, Maura. I know I've never said it outright, but didn't you think of that? Your wife was raped and you willingly fuck some other woman instead of trying to help me get through this. I would have been more accepting of a date and a goodnight kiss, but you _fucked _her on the night of your first date? Maura, we didn't even do that after our first date and we already had feelings for each other. As much as we both wanted to give in that night, I knew it would be better if we waited. This woman obviously has no respect for you if all she wants is to get you into bed. She is _nothing _compared to me and now you know what you're missing out on. Have all the sex you want now, but just know that as exciting as it might be, it'll never be what we had."

"I want to help you get through this," Maura insisted. "But, I understand if you want us to go through with the divorce. I'll give the papers to Cheryl, my attorney, and she'll take care of the process. After that, I'll start the paperwork required to change my last name back to Isles. Just keep in mind that I love you, Jane, and I know that doesn't mean anything right now, but someday it will. You and I are meant to be together. People who know nothing about us can see it in the loving glances we exchange. We're going to find our way back to each other, Jane."

"If it's meant to be, we will," Jane told her. She had wanted to stand her ground, but within that statement Maura had made, Jane was able to find remnants of the woman she had fallen in love with. "We just keep hurting each other, Maura, and it has to stop. I'm so drained right now and knowing you had sex with another woman just made it worse. Right now, it's just unforgivable."

Maura wiped her eyes and mentally prepared herself for what she was about to say. "I'm going to start applying for other jobs."

"Maura, no," Jane said to her. "You love your job. You don't need to leave on account of this."

"I do," Maura insisted. "I need to get out of Boston, maybe even out of Massachusetts. I can't stay here when everything reminds me of you and the life we had together."

"I'm sure whoever you work for next will enjoy their time with you. We'll miss our Queen of the Dead."

Maura was grateful for the levity Jane had brought to the conversation when she used her nickname, even if it was short-lived. "Jane, I know I have no right to say anything, but I'm jealous of the woman you'll be with next."

Jane scoffed. "After everything I've been through, I'm not even thinking about women right now. I'm still legally married to the one sitting next to me and I've told you before that I don't plan on marrying another one."

"You will," Maura insisted. "And she'll be beautiful in every sense of the word. You'll love her so much that you'll wonder how it was possible to love anyone before her. By that time, if I'm mentioned it will be in passing and I'll be referred to as your first wife. I'll be nameless and faceless. There will be no pictures of us together, even in a box stored away in your closet, because you'll be so absorbed in her. She'll give you Baby Rizzoli and you two will raise a family together and grow old together, just as we had planned on doing. What bothers me the most is not that you'll love her, but that she has yet to meet you. She doesn't know it at the moment, but she has so much left to look forward to. No woman is ever the same after being with you. We exist in three phases: our lives before you, with you, and after you. I'm starting the third phase right now and she's lucky enough to be in the first phase. She can look forward to meeting you, your first date, the first time you tell her you love her, your proposal—maybe she'll even marry you at Fenway Park. I'm sorry I didn't do that, Jane."

"Now isn't the time to be sorry about that," Jane said as she held Maura. "Before this happened, we had a good life together—a _great _life together. There was so much love, Maura, but we're going to get through this and we're both going to be okay. You're never going to be nameless and faceless with me and there will still be all of the memories we've made. I could never just mention you in passing. Before you, I didn't know what it was like to love a woman so much that I physically ached when we were apart. Now, I know that's possible. I may or may not experience it again, but I'm grateful to have experienced it at least once in my lifetime. Like you said, if it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other."

"I love you, Jane."

"I love you, too." Jane knew it was a bold move and maybe even uncalled for, but she leaned in and pressed her lips to Maura's. It was their last kiss and both Jane and Maura wanted to prolong it as much as they could.


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Four years had passed since the last time Jane had seen Maura and Jane wondered if this was for the best. Her former wife and best friend was now a stranger to her. There were no phone calls or e-mails—there was no correspondence whatsoever between the two of them. The last Jane had heard about Maura was that she had accepted a job in Los Angeles shortly after their divorce was finalized. She hoped Maura was thriving in her new city, but her thoughts were mainly on Maura's personal life. Did she remarry? Does she have a girlfriend? Was she making any friends at all? Did Maura ever think about her? Although she never admitted it to her friends and family, Maura crossed Jane's mind every night over the past four years. She had blocked out everything that had happened during their separation, which had only caused her further heartbreak. Jane felt as if it was her right to remember Maura in any way she wanted and what she wanted was to remember the woman she had planned to spend the rest of her life with. She remembered their dates, what it was like to make love to her, and all of the little moments when Maura would steal her heart without being aware of it. What Maura also wasn't aware of is the fact that she still had Jane's heart.

In the four years that had passed, Jane hadn't been intimate with another woman. She was given many opportunities, but she knew no other woman would compare to Maura. She couldn't imagine herself in a relationship with any woman who wasn't Maura and she didn't want to reduce herself to having the occasional one-night stand for the sole purpose of getting off. There was always self-gratification, but even that became emotionally draining once the fantasies about Maura began. For four years, Jane Rizzoli simply went without.

With her romantic life on hold, Jane put all of her focus on her career and her family. She loved her job and she loved the people in her life, even if she still missed Maura. Jane wasn't sure when it had happened, when she had gone from being angry with Maura to wanting her back in her life, but it had taken her by surprise. Los Angeles was a five-hour plain ride away, which wasn't incredibly long if it meant getting back to the love of her life. But even if Jane made the trip to Los Angeles, as she had thought about countless times, there was no saying what would come out of it. She didn't even have Maura's phone number, let alone know where she lived or if she had a girlfriend or wife.

On what would have been their sixth wedding anniversary, Jane decided to spend some time in Boston Common. There was no definitive reason for her to be there, but it was her day off and she wanted to keep busy so her mind would stay off of Maura. Jane realized her plan had backfired on her when she noticed a woman in the distance who looked just like Maura holding the hand of a toddler.

"Jane!" she called out. _It's Maura. Maura has a child. She's moved on and you're still in love with her._

Jane got up from the bench she was sitting on so she could meet Maura halfway. Maura's little girl wasn't able to walk very fast and Jane didn't want her to get tired out, so she made her way over to them as quickly as possible to prevent Maura and the little girl from walking any further. "Hi," Jane said to them, although she wasn't sure what to make of the situation.

"This is Chloe," Maura said to Jane before turning to the blonde little girl in the navy blue blazer and khaki colored dress. "This is Mommy's friend Jane. Can you say hi to her?"

"Hi, Jane," Chloe said shyly.

"Hello, Chloe," Jane said in the sweet tone of voice adults use to talk to toddlers and babies. "How old are you?"

"Three," Chloe told Jane as she held up three fingers. "Three years and one month."

"You're getting to be a big girl," Jane said, which made Chloe start to smile.

"She must like you," Maura told her. "She's usually afraid of people."

"Like mother, like daughter," Jane said jokingly. "Where is her other—"

"There _is _no other mom," Maura interrupted. "It's just Chloe and me. I adopted her shortly after her first birthday."

Jane was relieved that Maura was a single woman, although this wasn't exactly how she had imagined being reunited with her. "What brings you two to Boston?"

"Grandma!" Chloe said excitedly.

Jane couldn't help but smile. "I guess that's my answer."

"We're meeting my mother for lunch in fifteen minutes," Maura informed her. "But I'm available tonight if you'd like to meet for drinks. My mother will look after Chloe."

"I'd like that," Jane responded.

"You would?" Maura asked just slightly surprised that Jane would want to spend time with her.

"I would," Jane reiterated. "Maura, I've missed you."

They were the words Jane couldn't leave unspoken and she hoped they would have even the slightest effect on Maura. Upon hearing them, Maura allowed her emotions to show through to Jane. She wrapped her arms around Jane—clinging to her for the reassurance that she was there and this moment was actually happening. "I never stopped loving you. I don't know if there's a woman in your life—"

"Maura," Jane interrupted. "Four years ago I said there would never be another woman and I kept my word."

"Four years, Jane?" Maura asked. "You and I have been holding on to each other for four years?"

"We have, but we aren't going to fall into place right away and it doesn't help that we live on opposite sides of the country," Jane pointed out. "But meeting for drinks tonight is a start."

"Then I'll see you tonight," Maura said as she finally released Jane from her embrace.

"My number is still the same," Jane told her. "If I see some weird L.A. area code, I'll know it's you."

Jane and Maura parted ways and, as Jane was walking away, she heard Maura say to her daughter, "Chloe Jane, you're not walking without holding my hand." _Her middle name is Jane_. Jane knew it couldn't have been a coincidence. Maura still loved her and, four years ago, she was right: if it was meant to be, they'd find their way back to each other.

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**A/N: For those of you who stayed with this story, you are hereby released from your torture. :)**


	21. Author's Note

Hello, everyone!

So, I've been debating whether or not I should write a sequel to this story or just leave the ending open to interpretation. If I do write a sequel, it would start with where the epilogue left off. It wouldn't be angsty like this one, which is what some readers loved about this story and others found absolutely torturous.

Either way, let me know. I'll go with whatever gets the most votes.

Thanks in advance,

Amanda


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